Reflections
by SJlikeslists
Summary: Random thoughts from random people through the early episodes of the series
1. Pilot

Disclaimer: Jericho wasn't/isn't mine.

**Jake**

I'm going home. Isn't that supposed to be a good thing? Something that makes you feel all contented and filled with expectation? Yeah, that must be for people with less on their consciences. Contented is the last thing I feel right now, and the only expectation I've got is that I'm going to hear a lot of angry words. We'll just add that to the dread of knowing that I may not get this money without begging. That means that I'm not getting the money because I don't beg. Especially not to him. I've got more pride than that. I hate that I even have to ask him because asking is way too close to begging. I shouldn't have even bothered. I mean I'm not even there yet, and he's already getting to me. Stupid voices in your head. Isn't that a sign that you're going crazy? What else does it make you when five years later you can still hear your father's voice dripping with disappointment pouring complaints and comparisons into your head?

Mom said she would work on him. That's the only hope I've got left. I've got to hope his affection for her is stronger than his disgust with me. This is so a lost cause. Because as much as I've always known that my dad loves my mom, nothing tops his disgust with me. It's been that way for ages, and it isn't going to change. It doesn't matter how much she hopes and prays and works on us both. But, this time, I'm desperate. I need this more than I've ever needed anything in this world. I need to start over. I have to make big changes. I have to get away from where I've trapped myself. This is the only way out that I can see. So, I'll ask, but I won't beg. And I'll talk myself into hoping that my Mom is capable of working a miracle. She's the only person I've ever met who could. If nothing else, it will make her happy that I've tried. I owe her that. Especially if things go the way I think they will, it might be the last chance I have to . . . well, I suck at goodbyes anyway.

So, I'll just blow through town and make the rounds. I'll see some people I should have treated better. I'll make my mother smile. Because when I leave this time, the odds are that I'm not coming back. She should have better than that. She deserves better than that. She deserves better than me. It's too late for me to give her better. I never have figured out how she can still look at me the way she does. It's like she sees someone there who is worthy of all the hope she keeps holding. It must be a mother thing. Shouldn't that kind of faith get a better return than this? So, I'll give her what I can - a visit, a plan, anything to let her know that I did try. She'll have that even if nothing ever comes of it – even if it ends up being the last thing I give her.

**Gail**

They are both so stubborn. How can two people who are so alike not recognize themselves in each other? How many years am I going to have to be in the middle of this - knowing things about them both that neither one would hear if I spoke them? Both of them are crazy, stubborn fools. How many more chances to make this right are they going to get before it is too late?

Nothing in all my years of being a mother has ever prepared me for the agony of what I felt watching that cloud on the horizon. There it was right where my boy was heading. I've watched him drive away so many times - each more painful than the last. Each one adding to a lifetime's worth of watching his father and him talk past each other without really hearing. Each time leaves me praying and hoping that he will come back home again. I always have to believe that he'll come back home again. I need him to come back home again. Tonight hasn't changed that. It has just made it that much more important that he come home to me – to us. I tried so hard to tell myself that this was an accident, a mistake, something that would be all cleared up come morning. Then Dale came, and my world collapsed. It wasn't an accident or a mistake. It was really the end of my life as I knew it. Only one thought went through my mind - I've lost him this time. I've never really believed that before, and the thought hit me so hard that I lost track of everything else. I even lost track of Dale. That little boy standing there had just heard his mother die, and I couldn't even conjure up a hug of comfort. A child that I could actually help was standing right there, and I was too caught up in the one I couldn't reach to do anything about it. By the time I shook it off, he was gone. That, more than anything else, woke me up.

Sitting here dwelling on the things that I couldn't fix and the people that I couldn't help was just going to keep me from fixing the things and helping the people that I could. So I did what I always do, I kept going. I held everything together that I could and supported everyone who needed help because being a rock is my job - even when the town is falling apart right in front of my eyes. Just when it seemed like everyone was past the point of being rational, I got a miracle. My boy was back - alive, trapped for the moment where I can keep an eye on him, and with something in his eyes looking back at me that I haven't seen for a long time. I did what I could do, let the rest go, and it came out all right. I always say I know that. Tonight, for a few moments in the living room, I saw how easy it is to lose that - to let your faith get covered over with your fears. Something tells me that this won't be the last time I face that particular temptation, but I'm going to have to remember. And looking between my son and his father, I realize that I'm going to have to let that go as well. It is between them. I can't fix their stubbornness or their determination to not hear each other; I can only be there for the both of them and trust for the rest to come with time.

**Emily**

He does not get to be here. Not now. Not just standing in the middle of the street like nothing ever happened. Not when I've finally gotten my life exactly the way I want it. He isn't supposed to be here. People who walk away and never look back are supposed to stay away. They aren't supposed to show up in the middle of a random street on a random day like nothing ever happened. My life makes sense now. Roger and I make sense now. We're settled. We have our house. We're getting married. Our life is going to be perfect. We're going to be perfect. He has no right to come back here and mess with that. I'm past it. Everything that happened is over and done and not available to be revisited. I don't want him here. Not even in passing. Because if he's here, I have to think about things that are supposed to be buried. I have to think about Chris. I have to think about stupid plans I had for my life when I was a kid and didn't know any better. He doesn't get to do this to me. If he ever did come back, it was supposed to be to explain to me. To apologize to me. Not to stand there like we were old friends from high school who happened to wander across each other. He doesn't get to do that.

"You love it," he says to me. Like it's okay for him to make comments on the kind of person I am. To suggest that I even care what he's been doing for the last five years. Because I don't. I don't care about anything that has to do with him except him getting out of town and out of my life again. That's all.

That noise was not good. Great. Now to top all the rest of this off I'm going to break down on the side of the road in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere. That's just what I need. The birds are spread out on the road in all directions. They're all dead. There's no motion anywhere. It is just still. It's like I'm the only living thing out here. What happened? Flocks of birds do not just drop dead out of the sky. What's going on?

**Woody**

I'm not really supposed to be up on the roof. Mom says it is dangerous or something. It's not like I'm going to jump off of it. Maybe if I had a cape or a parachute. But not just by myself. I'm not stupid. I like it up here though. And Mom isn't going to catch me. She's busy inside watching the speech show on TV. All they ever do is talk and talk and talk. Dad always says I should learn to care about my country. What does watching a bunch of old guys listening to someone talk have to do with caring about my country? I already know all the words to the pledge of allegiance. I guess it's something you have to like to watch when you're a grown-up 'cause Mom and Dad and Deputy Bill always watch it. It'll take hours, so it's a perfect time to be up here. You can see really far away. And it's great for hide and seek because Sally will never come up here. She's too scared. She'll stand on the ground and complain that she can see me, but she can't tag me from way down there. There's a big cloud over there. Maybe it's going to storm, and we can sleep in the basement. That's fun. We get out the sleeping bags, and it is just like camping only without the bug bites. Well, we don't have a fire either, but it's still cool. That cloud doesn't look right. Something is wrong with it. It looks like it's trying to touch the ground or something. It's not the right shape for a tornado though. Those are supposed to look like those things that Mom uses to put the kool-aid in the old juice bottles. It's weird. I don't like it.

. . .

Mom started crying when she saw it. Then, she was screaming at me to get down from the roof. And she hugged me and Em so hard that I thought she was going to choke us. Dad said we all had to go see Mayor Green. I said I didn't want to, and he yelled at me to get in the car. Dad never yells. All the grown-ups are acting like they're scared of the creepy cloud, and that's scaring me. Grown-ups aren't supposed to get scared. Dad isn't supposed to get scared. Dad's brave. He's a policeman. He's supposed to make everything okay. But he's leaving us at Mrs. Green's. I like Mrs. Green, she usually gives us cookies, but I don't want Dad to leave. If he has to go make everybody else safe, who's going to take care of us?

**Johnston**

There he is standing in the kitchen as if he lives just the other side of town and stopped by to see his Mom on the way home from work. There's not a trace of guilt on that boy's face for the way he's made his mother worry. No. Why would he feel guilty? He would have to think something through enough to realize he isn't the sole entity in God's creation to do that. When I think of everything that boy could have done with his life, all those wasted talents, all that . . .Oh, why bother? He hasn't changed, and I've gone through this in my head enough times these last years to suffice for a dozen wayward children. But if he thinks that for one minute I'm going to let him waltz in here after five years, spend a few measely minutes with his mother, and waltz back out to go squander everything his grandfather left him on whatever hairbrained scheme he has going now, he's got another thing coming. That woman deserves a lot more from her child than some scattered phone calls that she thinks she needs to hide from me. And that man's memory deserves more than some punk who doesn't realize he's supposed to be an adult throwing away what was left him without a second thought. He couldn't even be bothered to come to the funeral. And I'm supposed to just hand that money over like it's a pack of chewing gum? For once in his life, that boy is going to have to listen to me. Because he can't have it. This time I'm in charge, and no amount of running away is going to fix that for him. So, he can straighten up and be a man, or he can go scampering back off into the sunset. But, if he does, he's doing it without that money. I've watched him waste more chances than anybody has a right to be given; I'm not going to hand him anything else to waste.

. . .

I've always known that a group of people is a skittish creature. Kind of like cows if you think about it - spook one and they all go running. I just never thought I'ld see it happen here. The questions are pouring in so fast it's hard to tell where one ends and another begins. I've got no answers to give them. None that are going to help this situation anyway. But I've got to do something. I can't let them panic. Once that starts, it's all over, if everything we knew about life isn't over already. If there's one thing being mayor for twenty-five years has taught me, it's that being the leader means you're the one that stays focused when everyone else is panicing. But what do you do when you've got nothing to give them? Ask them to have faith? Ask them to trust you? Ask them to go home and pretend that they aren't worried out of their minds about what might have happened to their children? Act like you aren't worried out of your mind about yours?

**Bonnie**

My entire life has been about this farm. I learned to count change working at the produce stand. I've spent my Saturday mornings baking pies for as long as I can remember. I don't know what it's like to get up in the morning and not go feed the chickens. I've never been away from this house for more than a couple of days in my entire life. Every memory I have of my parents is in this house. I can't remember them without this house. I can't leave here. I can't leave them. And that woman who knows nothing about anything is wandering around taking notes like this is just a place. A place with stuff on it that she doesn't even know the name of, but she'll take it anyway because it might be worth some money.

This isn't a place - this is my home. This is the only home I've ever known. Where are Stanley and I supposed to go? It's been the two of us against the world for so many years. We've always been a team - for as long as I can remember. We work the farm together, we run the stand together, and now he tries to shut me out? Why didn't he tell me? Why did he let me go on thinking everything was okay when it has to have been bad for a long time? Why didn't he give me a chance to help? That stuff she's tallying on her stupid little notepad isn't stuff. That's years of my parents' lives. That's years of Stanley working so hard to be my mom and my dad and my brother all rolled into one. I'm not a little kid. Why can't he see that? Why is he still trying to act like nothing is wrong? When is he going to talk to me? When they throw our clothes out into the yard? Will he tell me what's going on then? I swear if she walks past me with that stupid little smirk on her face one more time I'm going to crack her across the head with her briefcase. When is she going to leave? Will he even bother to talk to me then? Or is he still going to pretend? He's like a little kid. You can't just pretend the bad stuff isn't happening. That doesn't make it go away. That just makes it worse.

. . .

I know what that is. I've seen the pictures. It's like the illustration in the textbook just appeared in the sky in front of me. Does that mean the world is over? That we're all going to die? If it does, I'm glad it happened now - before they took the farm away. I'm glad it gets to end here - with us still home. Maybe we won't have to leave mom and dad after all.

**Dale**

She's never coming home. She's never coming back for me. She was already supposed to be home. Why wasn't she already home? Because of him? Because she would rather spend more time with him than come home to me? And now she's dead. Now I will never see her again because she wanted to go shack up in a hotel with some guy she's known for a couple of months.

Why didn't you come home Mom? Why weren't you where you were supposed to be? Why did you let him talk you into staying? Why did you leave me alone? I keep playing the tape over and over because I know that this is the last time I'm ever going to hear your voice. It's even appropriate - you over and over again telling me that you're not coming home. Because you're not. Is this even home without you here? Am I supposed to stay here without you? Am I supposed to pretend that it is okay to be here without you? I can't do this anymore. I can't sit here in this place. Where else am I supposed to go? This place was always where I felt safe. This is where I never got bullied or teased. This is the place where I was special. You made it that way. Without you here this place is just dark. It's just a stupid, overcrowded, cheap trailer for someone who can't afford a real house. The power's gone now. I told you this place was dark without you. I'm supposed to be too old to need someone to hug me. I'm supposed to be too old to need someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. But I don't think I am. Who else is going to do that for me? Who else is going to care that I'm scared? Who else is going to care that I don't know what to do? Mrs. Green. She always let me stay there when I was too little to be alone, and you had to work late. Do you think she remembers?

. . .

I told you you left me alone. "I'm sorry." That's all I got. No hug. No comfort. She's not my mom. She's not you. I don't know where else to go. Why aren't you here to tell me? There's nobody else. Except . . . Mrs. Leigh. Maybe I can go there. Maybe I can do something there. The power's out. The freezer section is gonna go bad if somebody doesn't do something. Maybe she'll need my help. Maybe I can stay there for a while. Maybe I can stay busy enough that I won't have to think. Maybe I can pretend that it's just another shift at work and that you'll be back later. Because I can't do this. I'm not ready for this. I still need you. Why aren't you here?

**Heather**

I can see it, but I don't really believe that I'm seeing it. I mean there is no mistaking what that is - I've read too many books to not know what that is. It just can't be real. It just can't be here. What am I going to tell my kids? How am I going to keep them calm until we get back to town? How close is that? Do we even have time to make it back to town? Was that an accident? Was that an attack? Are there more of them coming? Should I be looking for a place to get the kids under cover?

. . .

My head is so foggy. Have I been sleeping? Did I take cold medicene last night? I can't be groggy on field trip day. Wait. We're already on the field trip. There was a mushroom cloud, and the bus ran into something. I force my eyes open, sit up, and perform the world's quickest head count. They're all here. I say something calming - I don't even know what it was, but it seemed to work. The bus driver isn't moving. I should check on him. Okay, I didn't know it was possible for your leg to hurt that much. It must be broken. I've never broken anything before. I sink into the seat too dizzy to make it to the driver. I can't pass out again. The kids need me conscious and calm. They're being so brave, but they don't really understand what is happening. We need help, but I can't leave them. Clearly, I wouldn't make it very far even if I could. I hate this, but I have to do it. I have to send my kids out into whatever it is that is going on out there.

. . .

They're back with some man I've never seen before. I'll take what I can get at this point. He looks like he knows what he's doing when he checks on the driver. That's a plus. Why isn't my head clearing? I don't even know what I've said to keep them calm. They're being so good. He's injured. That's not a plus. What if he can't get them help either? Ice pack? There's one in the first aid kit. I know there is. I checked it before we left this morning. Juice box straws? Is he going to do what I think he's going to do? Please, God, let it work. Please let her be okay.

. . .

The injured adults may not be able to get them through this. That's okay. I just have to make sure they know what to do to get themselves out of it. Just stay calm when you're talking to them and make sure the directions are simple. They're good at following directions. They'll be okay. They have to be.

. . .

They're fine. They're all fine, and they're back with their parents. I can stop worrying about them now. It might even be okay to pass out now, if I could forget what I saw back there. It'll be okay. It has to be. I got one miracle tonight – he's still sitting in the driver's seat. Maybe we'll all get a few more.

**Gray**

He is unbelievably incompetent. How can anyone be mayor for 25 years and not be better able to handle a crisis? That's probably what the problem is. He's been in charge for so long that he thinks he can just coast along and everyone will just drift with him. Well, if there was anyone in this town who didn't know it was high time for a change, they ought to know it now. Just look at him - standing there with maps and paperwork. Talking things over like he has got all the time in the world to handle things. Where's the action? Being a leader means getting things done. It does not mean sitting around having a dinner party discussion about the pros and cons of maybe taking action at some point down the road. If you can't make up your mind what to do and how to do it, it's high time for you to step aside and let someone who can take things over. That would be the honorable thing to do. That's what you would do if you cared about this town. You don't even see it. You just care about keeping the Green family name on the office door. You're tired of this job. Everyone can see that, and it is painfully clear that you don't have what it takes to accomplish things in a crisis. Well, I'm not just going to stand here and let you shunt me over to the side. There are things that need doing, and I'm going to get them done. Then, this town will see who it is they can really depend on when the chips are down.

. . .

Look at this! Sending firemen out to do the police department's job. They don't have the faintest idea what they're doing. Who knows where the police even are by now? Traipsing all over looking for your vagabond of a kid most likely. They need to be in town keeping things under control. People are scared. They're starting to panic. This nonsense with the gas station can't continue. These people are a couple of minutes away from a full blown riot, and you're still holed up in your office. Probably reading 60 year old crisis management manuals. The mayor's job is to be out here. The job requires you to be visible. It requires you to lead. It requires you to be responsible for these people. No, that's not doable for the mayor of Jericho. You're too busy doing nothing to be out here doing your job. Well, it's not going to be your job for long. Election or no election, someone new is going to step in and take up the slack. It's going to be me. And it's going to be right now.

**Back to Jake Again**

For one seemingly endless moment, I was back there again. It wasn't just a dream or a flashback this time. I was really there, and that little girl lying in front of me with empty eyes was really there. There was nothing to do. Except this little girl's eyes weren't empty - not yet. They were still alive, and they were begging me to help her, to save her. I couldn't let it happen. Not again. I had to do something. I had to stop it. I had to think of something. And suddenly, I was back in the school bus, and I knew what I had to do. And I actually did it. I did it right. And she wasn't dying. Not yet anyway.

All those kids were staring at me with sheer awe in their expressions. Has anybody ever looked at me like that before? Ever? How do you live up to that? They're all looking at me like I'm going to save them. Every one of them from the girl with the juice box straws in her throat to the semi-coherent school teacher in the front seat are looking at me like they trust me. That's a bad idea. They shouldn't do that. That never works out well for anyone. I've got to stay awake. I've got to drive this bus back to town, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it together. I don't even know if there's enough gas to get the bus all the way back. We need another plan - one that doesn't depend on me. That teacher isn't going to make it anywhere to get help on that leg. It's going to have to be the kids. That's no good. They were lucky to stumble across me the first time. Lucky? To find me? I must be getting loopier than I thought. Stay awake, stay awake, find something to focus on, you can do this. Does your left hand really make a letter L? How come I never noticed that? How is she managing to keep them all so calm?

. . .

I've never been happier to see the Welcome to Jericho sign in my life. I didn't know I was capable of being this happy to see the Welcome to Jericho sign. The kids will be fine. They have people to take care of them now - responsible people. She's still sitting there in the bus seat - refusing to get off until all the kids are with their parents. She's still looking at me like . . . like I don't even know what that look is. I just know she shouldn't be looking at me like that - whatever it is. People in this town always look at me like they're counting the seconds until my next stupid mistake. She must not be from around here because she's looking at me like someone's about to throw a medal ceremony in my honor. Someone will set her straight soon enough. But for now, it's . . .nice.


	2. Fallout

**Emily**

I am so tired, and these shoes were definitely not intended for hiking. I can't believe I ran out of gas. And where is everybody? I know we're not exactly a heavy traffic zone here, but there have been no vehicles for hours. Where is everyone? Between that and the birds I'm really starting to get creeped out here. Roger's not going to know where I am. He's probably sitting in the airport worried right now. Finally, I thought a car was never coming. No way did that police car just drive by me. They can't just drive by a stranded motorist. They're supposed to be out helping people. That's right; you better start backing that car up. If that's Jimmy messing with me, he is so going to get an earful. I'm not in the mood. Well, that's not Jimmy. Must be state patrol. Where? Where would a bomb have hit? Kansas City? Topeka? Wichita? No, not Wichita. It can't have been Wichita. It can't have hit Roger. Not now. Not when we just got everything worked out. Denver. That's so many people. Just gone. Who would do that? All those people, but not Roger. Not Roger.

. . .

Something's not right here. These guys are not acting like normal police officers. If they work around here, why would they not know where the gas stations are? Why didn't I notice that to begin with? Why are they acting so skittish? I mean, I know I'm unnerved by the bomb, but something more is off with these guys. Do they think I'm not noticing the way they are acting? How much of a dumb blond do they think they are dealing with here? Is that a tattoo? It would have been nice if I was just being paranoid, but I guess the radio just shattered that hope. I don't know what is going on, but I need to get them out of here before Bonnie ends up in the middle of it as well. If Stanley were here, he could help. But if he were here, he would have heard us pull up. He would be out here by now. Is that blood on his collar? I guess I know how he got that uniform. Please Bonnie, wherever you are just don't notice that we are here. Too late.

. . .

If I'm going to get her out of here, I need something to even up the odds. Be smooth Emily, smile, play the blond card. Look relaxed, be unconcerned, don't look like you've just been scrambling across the room. Stay calm, be casual, you're just heading to the ladies' room, you don't notice anything odd about the way the "guests" are acting. Everything seems perfectly normal to you, you aren't suspicious, you're just grateful to the kind deputies that rescued the poor damsel in distress from the side of the road. Don't run up the stairs. Walk normally. Don't sign anything to Bonnie. They'll notice. Just close the door.

**April**

I cannot put people into that fallout shelter. It's damp, dirty, and infested. I can't let my patients in there. It's just not possible. Why didn't any of us ever think to check on things? Why didn't any of us ever think we would need to use this place someday? Do we even have time to make this work? There's nothing I can do about down there. I can't pull any helpful advice from the 50-year-old informational pamphlets. I can't rewire a motor. I hate not having control. I hate feeling helpless. I get enough of that in my marriage. Now is not the time April. Snap out of it. You have bigger problems today. I'm going to have to trust that someone else knows what they are doing and go back to what I can handle - making sure that my patients are okay.

. . .

When I get my hands on that man, I will throttle him. What is he thinking? He's acting like this is some normal day where he can blow me off like usual. It's not going to happen this time. Forget waiting on him. He can pull his act together and deal with it. Apparently, he's not dealing with the situation in person any better than he was dealing with it over the radio. How could he just stand there and look at those people and act like finding them a place to be wasn't his responsibility? How could he just calmly say that there was a spot saved for me? How could he think that I would just go inside and leave them? Doesn't he know me at all any more? Are we really that far gone? I thought if something would just shock us both out of that rut we were in, then things would go back to the way they used to be. You can't get a bigger wake up call than the past 24 hours, but we're still stuck. I can't do this right now. I have to stay focused on my patients. That's the only thing I have control over right now. The baby is so beautiful. She's tiny but perfect. We used to want a baby so badly. When did that change? He's looking down at her as well. That's when it happens. His hand slides over and covers mine. In that one moment, all the wondering stops. I remember everything that made me fall in love with this man in the first place. We're us again just making eye contact over this child in a fallout shelter in the middle of a world that's gone completely insane. I can see us the way we used to be, and I can see us the way we could be again. It's still under there somewhere - that future we always used to say we would have. He gets called to the other side of the room, and the moment is broken. But it happened. I felt it. It's enough hope to start with, and isn't hope what we're all looking for today?

**Nameless Guy Playing Pool**

I can't let on that I'm scared. My buddies would never let me live it down. That's if we live past this thing today. Well, there is no way I am dying squeezed into some hole in the ground under town hall. That is not for me. If I'm going today, I'm going to be good and drunk first. I'm going to be having a good time. I'm not going to be cowering in some corner of a basement with nothing to think about except for what's coming. I'm going to stay right here and pretend that this is just a normal afternoon kicking back with my buddies. I can't be doing nothing. If I'm doing nothing, I'm going to start thinking. If I'm thinking, I'm going to start showing that I'm scared. Not gonna go there. It's just a normal day. And like any normal day, if little pretty boy Green thinks he's going to start bossing me around, he's in for a rude awakening. Just stop talking man. I don't need to hear this junk. It's just a normal day. It's just a normal day. Stop trying to make me think. Just let me be ignorant. Just let me not have to know what's coming. I don't want to know what's coming. It's too late for that now. You win. I'm leaving. I'll go cower in that hole because it doesn't matter any more. Nothing is going to take those words out of my head.

**Mimi**

What am I supposed to do? Go mingle with the residents of Hicktown, USA in some enclosed area for hours on end? I guess there isn't really much of a choice. I'm hardly suicidal. Oh, I will go, but not until I absolutely have to go. I am not going until I've choked down enough of this stuff that I have a chance of forgetting that I'm trapped here. I'm trapped here. How can I be trapped here? I was just doing my job. It's not personal when I deal with these people. I don't make the tax laws. I just do the math. Why is it that I am being punished? What is this? Lack of sympathy for the human condition means that you get sentenced to an eternity of living in the middle of it? Is that what this is? Thanks ever so much for the graphic images deputy boy. Could we have been a little less explicit? Some of us are trying to forget what's happening here. You do know that that is why people sit in a bar drinking in the middle of the day, don't you? Did someone forget to send you that memo? I just have to walk through the lover's tete a tete. Isn't that just my luck? We'll just tack that on to the list of things that I would have preferred not to know today.

**Gail**

I thought that I finally had him home. I thought that my family was finally all together, but something else is coming to split us up again. I know it is irrational. I know that the important part is that my boys are under shelter where it is safe, but I need to see it. I need to be with them where I can take care of them all. I need control over at least that. I can't just trust that they are under cover and safe. I need to see it with my own eyes. I have had too many years of trusting that my child was safe out there in the world because I couldn't be there to make sure that he was. I will not go back to that today. I'm not ready to get back to that. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to go back to that. There goes my husband trying to find any excuse he can to leave this shelter. He's looking for any way he can be out in the thick of things. I have done this for too many years to not be prepared for this battle. I have all the first excuses covered. I can practically see the wheels turning in his head as he looks for something that I don't already have someone else doing. I have also done this for enough years to recognize when he has outmaneuvered me. There is no logical objection that I can make to him evacuating the church. "Yes ma'am." My husband is a snot. He'll hear about that tone later. Right now I'm not arguing. That will just waste time, and I need him back here.

. . .

I can't win. Just when I've got both boys in my line of sight the husband goes missing. Where is that man? The silence in my head swallowed up every angry thought I had been storing up to yell later. Help. We need help. Come on Gail, you can think later. Right now you're together, and you both need to get under cover. The rest can come later because he's going to be fine once we get to the shelter. He has to be fine. Anything else is not an option. I can see one son; I know he's fine. I can see my daughter; I know she's fine. I can feel my husband's arm around me; I know he's fine. My other baby has taken off one more time. Is it always going to be this way? Can I never have them all together? All safe? Is it just not allowed? I turn my head so I can look up into my husband's eyes. It's an advantage of being married for this many years - you don't need words to convey a sentiment. He knows exactly what my expression is saying - don't you ever scare me like that again. There's no answering expression. We both know that that is a promise that he can't make. None of us can.

**Gray**

There is no way they can bring all those people into this shelter. If they can not see why, I will be the voice of reality and explain it for them. Why isn't the other shelter functional? That is just the result of careless administration. Why wasn't it properly maintained? It is just another example of ineptness. It is yet another reason to add to the long list of why this town needs a change in leadership. Can they really put people in the salt mine? I guess it is big enough. It is underground. There are some supplies there. It might just work. It's not a bad plan. It's just one that we wouldn't have needed if things had been taken care of by a capable person. It's time to be a leader. It's my salt mine; I need to be there. It's the right thing to do.

. . .

This is crazy. Blowing up the entrance could kill every person we just put down there. We were supposed to be finding a way to make them safe. Burying them alive was not the plan. Oh, wait, there wasn't a plan. That's how we got here. How do we even know that the town will be able to come and dig us back out? I hate that he is right. I don't have a better plan. I will keep my mouth shut this time because the most important thing is for these people not to panic. Later on, if we make it out of this, they can know how much danger they were in today, and the real reason they were in it. Accountability will come later. I will make sure that it does. For now, we just need to do whatever we can to survive. I never thought that I would look at that kid and be impressed, but I am today. The mine plan and blowing the entrance took some serious ability to improvise under pressure. It would have been better if no one had needed to improvise under pressure, but still I can give credit where it's due. It is probably suicide to head out into that storm, but he's going. Because that girl needs help, and he won't ignore that fact. That takes either some serious moral courage or some serious stupidity. Whichever one it is in his case, it's the right thing to do. I am impressed. I'm also rather glad that this new responsible Green isn't the one I'm running against for mayor. Dwelling on that right now is not the right thing for me to be doing. It's the right thing for me to stay here and be a leader for these people who are about to be trapped in a mine shaft. It's also the right thing to do to give up the gun. It's not like I'm going to be needing it while I'm buried. It might as well be going somewhere it can be useful.

**Johnston**

Running around ordering other people to do things that I should be doing myself, jumping in and taking charge of things behind my back, just who does that woman think she is? She's stubborn, bull-headed, and down-right bossy - I love that woman. She wins this round. I'll stay here and look at the results of the library ransacking. Yeah, this is helpful. Who is this Hawkins person? Every time I turn around that man is lurking in the corner just waiting to jump into the conversation with the right answer for whatever the question is. It's enough to start making a man paranoid. When did he even get here? Why have I never seen him before this? Did he drop out of the sky? I've had enough of this standing around stuff. It's very obvious that the library information is going to be less than helpful at this particular moment in time. I'm going to go do something constructive - something that requires movement. I think those people are still holding that vigil at the church. There is no possible way she can argue with me about that one, and she knows it. She doesn't like it, but she knows it. She's beautiful when she's irritated. I'm gonna hear about my "tone" later, but it was worth it.

. . .

I have got to get up off this floor. She's gonna kill me herself if I don't. I hate it when she has to worry. She's done enough of that over the last five years to last a lifetime. She shouldn't have to worry about me as well. Scratch getting off the floor on my own. I guess I'm waiting for help. I hate waiting. It's such a waste of time I could be spending getting things done. I hate it almost as much as I hate needing to have help. Dang it. I'm supposed to be checking over things making sure this town is prepared for this storm. I don't have time for this. It better not be her that finds me. She'll go off on some tirade about me needing to rest. That's not going to happen. As best as I can tell, nobody is going to be doing any resting for quite a while. This is just the beginning. It's her. Oh well, maybe this will get me off the hook for my earlier use of "tone."

. .

That boy is off somewhere again leaving his mother to worry about him. I guess I should be pleased that there is an actual reason for it this time around. I scared her today. I can tell by the way she's looking at me. Everything about that look screams that I'm to never do that to her again. I wish I could promise her that. I wish that I could promise her that she is never going to need to worry about any of us again. She knows I do just as much as she knows that I can't.

**Heather**

If we are going to be dependent on a city fallout shelter, I think we are going to be in big trouble. Most towns built those decades ago and haven't looked at them since. Who knows what kind of condition everything is in now? That's even assuming that it was all well done originally. If the ventilation system is actually the only problem, then we might be okay. If it's mechanical, it's fixable. You just need parts, tools, and time. It looks like we've got tools. You can scrounge parts from lots of places. Time might be a problem. Standing here watching is not helping the situation. It's time to stop being a bystander. Bombs, destroyed cities, and radiation pouring down on our heads are all things that I can't do anything about, but fixing things and making them run I can handle. I can't believe I just said that. That was an interesting expression. I better prove I know what I'm doing fast. There I go again. This was probably not the best time to use the teacher voice. That guy is not going to check the brushers just to spite me now. I have got to learn how to talk to adults. He can't really hold a grudge enough to actually let this blow the motor, can he? It's because I'm a girl, isn't it? Seriously, can he not see the smoke or hear that noise? Maybe if I talk very calmly and in a contrite tone of voice he will decide to listen. Maybe he won't. It's gone. That is definitely not fixable in this time frame. Now would be an excellent time to have a plan B.

. .

Is it horrible that in the middle of everything that is happening I'm thinking that I really like that smile? How is he giving me goose bumps just by looking at me in the rearview mirror? That's just bizarre. It's not bad. I think I like it, but it's still bizarre. I'm just going to go ahead and break eye contact. He should be watching the road anyway.

. . .

It looks like it is time for plan C. He looks a little lost. I don't know if this is a good plan or not, but we do not have time for him to be introspectively second guessing himself. We need to move. If we were in my classroom, I would say it was time for a motivational moment. If nothing else, it did get him moving.

. . .

Are we on plan D now, or is this just an extension of plan C? I'm thinking it will probably be better if I refrain from thinking about what they are getting ready to do to this mine. The whole wiring the framework with dynamite thing is fascinating to watch. It's like fixing stuff backwards. Everybody looks tense. We need a tension breaker. I really, really like that smile. What did she just say? My best friend is in trouble, and I don't know what to do about it. Why isn't she answering the radio? Did they catch her? Did she just switch channels? He's going to go. Please let him make it there in time. Please let her be okay. Please let him be okay.

**Skylar**

I know I sound like a spoiled brat when I say I'm not going to the shelter. I always know when I sound like a spoiled brat. My Mom has told me that I'm being one enough to clue me in on the signs. I've just never cared enough to fix it before. I can't believe I spent yesterday saying she hates me. I don't want to remember what I said to her on the subject before they left on their trip. That can't be the last thing I ever say to her. It just can't be. And Dad, he gave me the whole I'm disappointed in the way you've been talking to your mother speech. That can't be the last conversation we have. It had to just be Denver and Atlanta. It had to be some freak accident that just hit those places. It can't have been something bigger, something planned, because then New York would have gotten hit. And it didn't. Because my parents are going to come home. They have to come home. The last memory I have of them cannot be those conversations. It's not fair. They can't have died thinking I meant those things that I said. Because I didn't. I really didn't. I was just ticked off that I couldn't go on the trip. Why didn't they just take me with them? We would have been together. I wouldn't have to be here alone. They have to come back. I can't go to that stupid shelter. What if they came home and couldn't find me? They would be worried. And when they get back, I'm never going to make them worry again. Because I know what it feels like now. So, they can come back because I've learned a lesson out of all of this. I'll treat them better. I'll be nicer to both of them. I won't even argue anymore. They just have to come home. If I open this door, I'll smack him. How dare he come here and knock on the door? How dare he get my hopes up and make me think they were home? Why does he even care? It's not like he's my friend. We don't even speak. He brought me the soda. He's outside in what is about to be a radioactive storm so he can bring me a soda. Who does that? It's crazy. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be alone. And I am alone. They're not here. They may never be here again. None of my friends really get it. Their parents are all with them. They don't have to be alone. I do. And nobody understands what that is like. Except him. Because his house is empty too.

**Mary**

Look at him. He is standing there touching his wife like she is actually his wife. His real wife and not just a partner in an over glorified roommate living arrangement. Did I even pay attention to what that sounded like the first time he said it? Or was I too happy that I was hearing what I wanted to be hearing to really notice it? That's one, two, three little family moments they have had since we came down here. What is this? They never spend time together. I never see them together. Is this what they are like when I'm not around? I can't have been that blind. He loves me. I know he loves me. Is it just the stress of everything that has been happening? Is it a show for his parents? Look at them look at each other. I can't have been that stupid. I can't have been wrong about him. He always said that we can't be seen together in public. That it wasn't the right time for people to know. Well, it's not like we can leave this shelter at the moment, so in public is where this conversation is going to have to happen. I will not leave this for later. He is going to tell me what is going on now. I cannot stand here and watch this. If he's been screwing around with me, I'll . . . I don't know what I'll do. Because I'll still be in love with him. What do I do now?

**Jake**

She's right. It's never safe around me - not for anyone. Look at the fallout shelter. I walked away, and the whole ventilation system blew up. I convinced people I was taking them to safety, and I buried them in a mine shaft. That girl was looking at me today like I was the one with all the answers. She was even trying to reassure me that everything was going to be okay - that everything I was doing was going to work out okay. Nothing I do is ever okay. I may very well have killed them all. She was about to be in an explosion, and she was standing there cracking a joke to break the tension of the moment. She was still looking at me like I was trustworthy. I didn't know if it would work, I didn't know if it would destroy the ventilation system, and I still don't know if any of those people are safe. I did it anyway. That's what people get when they trust me. I promised Mom that I would be with her, but I'm not. I let her down again. I came out here to rescue Emily, but I didn't. She killed someone today because I wasn't fast enough. She shouldn't have to deal with that. Nobody should have to deal with that. Yesterday, I almost thought I had a chance of starting things over and doing things right. But that's not going to happen, because Emily is right. I'm just not safe.

**Back to Emily**

Jumping off the roof may not have been the brightest idea I have ever had. My knees are going to be so sore tomorrow. I guess that is a fair trade-off for getting us out of this mess. Someone just answer the radio. They were talking on this channel earlier. Why aren't they on there now? It's just like the deserted highway. Where is everyone? Where is Stanley? Where are the rest of the police officers? Someone has got to be listening. We need help. Just keep switching channels. Someone will be out there somewhere. Just stay calm. Panicking isn't going to help. How am I going to get Bonnie out of that house if no help comes? How long do I even have before they realize that I am taking way too long in the bathroom? Try another channel. Why isn't anyone at the station? Did something happen to all of them? I don't know how to get us out of this on my own. Please let someone hear me.

. . .

He can't shoot her. She is just a kid. What am I going to do? If I try to hit him, I will end up hitting her. If I drop the gun, he will shoot us both. Why hasn't anybody come? Why didn't I try to untie Bill or Jimmy when I had the chance? Why did everything have to happen so quickly? Please don't let him shoot her. Please don't make me watch him shoot her. Please just let her go.

. . .

Dead. He's dead. I shot him, and he's dead. Just like Mom is dead. Just like Chris is dead. Just like all those people in Denver are dead. Just like Roger is dead. No, I don't know that. He might not be dead. It wasn't Wichita. They said it wasn't Wichita. He might be fine. He might be on his way home right now. He has to be on his way home. I need him. I didn't even think about what I was doing. I just shot him. Did I even have to do it? Help actually came. I could have just dropped the gun, but he was still shooting. He was still trying to kill someone. I did have to shoot him, didn't I? I killed him. You can't take that back. You can't fix that. He's just dead, and I'm a killer. When Roger comes back, how do I tell him that? How do you explain that to someone? I shot him when Jake was the one in danger. Why? Why didn't he get here sooner? Why didn't he shoot them both? Why did he have to need my help? Why did he do this to me? Why does he always do this to me? Why is it that every time my life is finally on track he does something that screws it up? It is always him. Why does he always come back into my life? Why can't he just stay gone?


	3. Four Horsemen

**Gray**

How are they even going to get us out of here? Has anyone thought far enough ahead to figure that out? Are we just going to keep playing out this situation moment by moment? Someone has got to step up here before all we are left with is total chaos. This is just what we need - an authority figure panicking in front of a mine full of children. Pull it together man. Do you have any idea how fast things will go from uncomfortable to terrible down here if we have a group of crying, petrified kids in an enclosed space? They will start, then the moms will get panicky worrying about them, then the men will get edgy from not being able to comfort their wives, and then we will have a situation that is beyond control - that cannot happen. Half the parents in here are already overwhelmed enough that they are letting their kids congregate around that teacher instead of taking care of them themselves. They know we're buried, and they don't know how we're going to get out. They are hovering on the edge here. It won't take much in the way of deterioration for the collective mood to hit explosion level. Someone has to keep it from coming to that. I will let that girl have her chance to calm him down. She has done a pretty fair job keeping the children in line. If she can handle Rennie, then good for her. If not, I will just have to handle it for all of us. It is not going to work. He is too far gone. She is not going to be able to talk him down. Whom can I trust down here? Shep. He'll understand what needs to be done. It's time to remove the negative influence from the equation. He has to be kept quiet before he pushes these people over the edge.

. . .

It was not our fault. We were doing what was best for everyone in that shelter. We had to make a tough call in a tough situation, and we just did what had to be done. It was a terrible tragedy, but it wasn't our fault. This is just what happens when the people who are supposed to be in charge don't get their jobs done. If everything had been handled the way it should have been handled, then we wouldn't have lost a good man today. It wasn't our fault. We made the hard decisions that had to be made because better decisions weren't made by those who should have taken responsibility. It wasn't Shep's fault. I'll have to talk to him later and let him know that I know that. I'll have to make sure that he knows that. It wasn't my fault. I did the best that could be done in a lousy situation. I know exactly whose fault it was, and I'm going to make sure that everyone else knows it as well.

**Mary**

"I'm sorry." He says it like that is the end of this conversation. How can he just walk away from me like that? What is it he is sorry for exactly? Is it for making me watch him play happy couple moments with his wife? Is it for telling me the things he told me about his marriage? Is it for getting involved with me in the first place? Well, I'm sorry too - I'm sorry that I ever listened to a word that came out of your mouth. How could I have been that stupid? "My wife doesn't understand me; the marriage has been over for a long time." Isn't that what every cheater always says in every movie ever made? And every dumb girl they say it to always falls for it. Is that what we've been? Because I'm not seeing any evidence to the contrary today. Why did I think that it was different when it came out of his mouth? Why did I think that we were special? Because we were special. We were. I know we were. He loves me. I know he does. He has to love me. I could not have been wrong about that. But people whose marriages are over get divorces. Are they divorced? No. They are still married. They are still walking around this shelter with his arm around her shoulders. Where are we? He and I are apparently not allowed to speak with each other at present. Have they ever even talked about a divorce? If they both knew it was over, then what was the big deal about telling people about us? If she knew things were over, then why would she care? I can read that expression on her face from across the room. She doesn't think that it's over. I will not do this. I will not stand here and watch and pretend that everything is fine. I will not wait around pretending that it is fine for him to treat me this way. He cannot have it both ways. He needs to make a choice.

. . .

How dare he? "The service isn't what it used to be." He does not get to complain. He does not get to completely blow me off and then pretend like it is my fault that things aren't normal.

. . .

Yeah, that's right. There are other men in this town who think I'm worth their time. You get to sit over there playing family dinner with her; I get to sit with anyone I want. How do you like it? You can be on the receiving end for a while and see how it feels. I don't have to wait around for you. I can move on whenever I want to, and you do not get to have any say over it. You don't have a right to have any say over it. How does that work for you? Juvenile, maybe, but you started this. I'm just playing it your way.

**Heather**

I spent all year telling them that they shouldn't share drinks because it spreads germs. What am I going to tell them when one of them brings that up while I'm encouraging them to share the water bottles? Crisis situations supercede the basic principles of health class is probably not the best class meeting discussion topic for today. My kids are amazing. I wonder how much of their good behavior is because they don't really understand what is going on here and how much is because they instinctively know that most of their parents can't handle anything else at the moment. Mr. Rennie isn't looking very well. I wonder if his claustrophobia is starting to bother him. I mean being in this much of a crowd in an enclosed space is probably not helping. Maybe I can distract him. I just need to make sure my voice is calm and to give him something else to think about. This isn't working. What else can I try? I know he loves the kids. Maybe I can get him to help keep them calm. Maybe that will give him something to focus on. Maybe taking him into a different part of the mine will work. If he's in a less crowded spot, that's got to help, right? Mr. Kale is his friend, and he probably knows what will calm him down. I'm sure he'll take care of him.

. . .

Crowding up close to the rocks that are probably going to come sliding in this direction before they finish digging may not be the best plan people. Like they're going to listen to me if I say that. He came to find me. How sweet is that? He wasn't looking for you. He came to rescue everybody. He did walk back and ask me how I was. You have got to stop thinking like this. He's just a nice guy; he would be checking on anybody.

. . .

Heart attack? Why didn't they just call for help? Almost the entire med center staff was down there. They had to have noticed that something was wrong. It just doesn't make sense that they didn't come and get anyone. What happened back there? That's not static. Well, not completely anyway. We're actually getting news. Why is it so fuzzy? Look at all those blast zones. Okay, focus. That's Denver, Chicago, northern Texas, where else? We have to get this down on paper before we all get confused about what we saw.

. . .

Emily looks so happy. She was such a mess today, but she's back now. He did that. He's the town hero, and he's sitting here with me. What is he thinking? All those cities are destroyed, all those people are dead, and my best friend spent half the day thinking her life was over. Everything should feel awful, but it doesn't. I am sitting here laughing over a silly conversation while a guy I barely know steals bites of my cake. How does he do that?

**Bonnie**

Yesterday, I was worried that we were going to lose the farm. Now I don't even care as long as I don't lose my brother. What if he is out in this? What if nobody told him about the radiation? He is probably standing out in the middle of a field with the livestock this very minute. It isn't like he has any sense. Please don't take him from me. I can't lose him.

. . .

Why does everyone always think that if I can't read their lips, then I won't know that anything is wrong? Jake thinks Stanley got contaminated. That's why he wouldn't let me hug him. I know that they were talking to Dr. Green on the walkie-talkie, and I know that she said something bad was going to happen. I could see it on all of their faces. Did they think I wouldn't notice all the shocked and concerned expressions? Stanley is even trying to talk to Jake without me seeing what they are saying. I'm not stupid. It isn't even fair. He's my brother. If something is happening to him, then I'm the one who should know about it. They have no right to try to keep it from me. And my jerk of an older brother doesn't have any right to shut me out. He always tries to shut me out of everything. He acts like I'm an ignorant little kid who can't handle anything. He drives me insane, but I can't lose him. Please.

**Scott**

It is crowded in here. Try not to think about that. The kids are all doing really well right now, and you don't want to say something that is going to make them upset. There are a lot of kids and adults. There are too many people. There is not that much space down here. The walls are too close together. There is too much rock over the entrance. What if they can't get us out? What if we're really trapped down here? What if they never come to get us? We have to get out of here. I have to get out of here. I have to find a way out. I know what she's doing. She's trying to calm me down. She's trying to keep me from scaring the children. I'm trying. Why can't they see that I'm trying? Don't they feel it too? Can't they feel the rock pressing down on them? Why don't they see that we have to get out? I can't focus on breathing because I can't breathe. You have to have air to breathe, and there is no air in here. It's all gone. I'm suffocating. We're all going to die because there is no air. I have to get out. They buried us. We are buried in the ground. The rocks are all falling in on top of us, and the air is all gone. There are too many people, and we used it all up. I don't want to die.

**Jake**

Look at her. I have to try something. She's got to snap out of this or it's going to eat her up inside. Couldn't she have at least had someone in this cellar who had a chance of being able to talk her through this? Would that have been too much to ask? It's not like she has any reason to listen to me. I can't just let her stew on this though. I have to try something.

. . .

Why didn't I notice that the storm was coming sooner? I should have made sure that they warned everybody. Stanley would never have been out in this rain, and we wouldn't all be sitting around with nothing to do but waiting to see if he starts giving signs that he's dying. I can't tell her no. I shouldn't let her come. The whole point of going is because we don't know what is going on out there. It may not be safe, and I should just tell her no. But, I can't do that. I can't let her down again.

. . .

There she is again with that look. She was down here for hours; hasn't someone clued her in yet? At least they are all okay. They didn't suffocate. That's two things in two days that I didn't completely screw up. My track record is improving. Scratch that. They aren't all okay.

. . .

All those planes in the air with no where to go. It's a miracle that even one of them made it down in one piece. I can't get to Wichita going this way. I don't have enough gas to try to go around. I'll just have to see what information we can get from here.

. . .

Duh, Bill, if they were black, they would blend in with the rest of the wreckage. You would never find them. They all think they are upset listening to this recording? They aren't pilots. They don't know what it would be like to know that chances are you are about to kill all those people sitting in the back who were trusting you to get them where they were going safely. They don't know what it would feel like to know you probably don't have a chance of making it but deciding to try anyway. They don't know what it feels like that moment you know you have lost all control or what it's like to watch the inevitable coming for you without being able to stop it. What was that? It was. He did say it. At least I can give her that.

. . .

She's looking at me like that again - like I did something so wonderful for Em. Even? That'll never happen. I'm trying, but some debts can't be paid. If she only knew . . . But she doesn't, and she's sitting with me laughing at things that I'm saying. It's almost like the world was still normal; it's almost like I'm just a normal guy. What wouldn't I give for that?

**Stanley**

Basically I'm just supposed to sit here dying while they debate over whether or not I'm man enough to swallow some iodine. Forget that. Just give me the bottle already. I'm tough; I can take it. I think I'm going to gag. Nope, can't do that. Bonnie's watching, and I need to keep her calm. They've got her freaked out enough about the radiation already.

. . .

I need to not throw up. I can do that. Maybe I can't. It's time to face facts. I'm going to hurl, and that means that I'm going to die. I'm going to leave her alone. I was supposed to always be around to take care of her. I'm supposed to be around to protect her. She's not old enough to handle things. She shouldn't have to handle anything; she should still be able to be a kid. She needs someone to look after her. I've tried so hard to keep her out of the farm's problems, but now she's going to have to know. It's not fair. I can't leave her here to deal with this on her own. I have to make sure someone is looking after her. I hate asking for favors, but for her I'll do it.

. . .

Just walk away from her. It doesn't matter that she's all alone. It doesn't matter that she can't get home. She's an evil, farm-stealing IRS agent. Just keep walking. Dang it. Why did my mother have to raise me to be a gentleman?

**Emily**

Everything was fine until Roger went away. Everything was fine until Jake came back. When Roger comes back, he'll make it better. I just need to find him. Everything will be fine when I have Roger back. He's stuck in Wichita. I just have to pick him up like we planned, and everything will be okay again. I just have to stick to the plan, and everything will work out. He'll be there waiting for me. I just have to wait for the rain to stop, and I can go get him. Because that was the plan. Then, we'll get married just like we planned. And our lives will be perfect just like we planned. It will all be okay as soon as I get to him.

. . .

There is no Roger to go to. There is no Roger to make things better again. He is dead. I saw it. They said it wasn't Wichita, but they were wrong. It was. He's gone too. Only people without families are supposed to go out on the scouting trip. That's me now. Roger and I were going to be a family, but it is all gone. Everything we planned is gone. There is no Mom, no Chris, and no Roger. Why does everyone always leave me alone? Why do I always get left behind? Why does Jake get to be the one still here?

. . .

It's his flight. They landed. He's not dead. He's okay. He's coming back. He didn't leave me.

**April**

We can do this. We can make it back to where we need to be. Just look at us. When was the last time we looked at each other like this? When was the last time we listened to each other like this? I was beginning to think that we never would again. I guess all we needed was to be locked in a room with each other. Who knew that actually worked? Everything isn't fixed. I know that. I know that it will take time, but we can do it. He's got his arm around my shoulders just like he used to do. He's even leaning his forehead toward mine while we are talking. That all has to mean something. He must be noticing it as well. We can make this work. We just both have to make an effort. We were just not trying hard enough before. I could almost bless this whole horrible situation because it is making us see that we can be okay. I was so scared for so long that we were past fixing, but we're not. Everything is going to work out. We just have to keep up what we started today once we walk back outside. I can do that. We can do that. It's weird to be so concerned about everything that is happening outside but so unbelievably happy about us at the same time. I can't even remember the last time that I thought about us and felt happy.

**Gail**

They always told us when we were kids that all we had to do was climb under our desks and cover our heads. Everything would be fine if we just followed those directions. Everything was simple - if there is a fire, everything will be fine if you line up quietly and walk out of the building, if there is a tornado, everything will be fine if you kneel against the wall and put your math book over your head, and if there is a nuclear explosion, everything will be fine if you get under your desk. We never asked questions. We just trusted that they were telling us the right thing to do. Did they even know that they were wrong? How could they have told us that knowing that it wasn't going to help? Why didn't we ever ask questions? Why didn't they ever tell us that if we were in the blast zone it wasn't going to matter whether we were under our desks or not? Why didn't they ever warn us that what we needed to be prepared for was if we weren't in the explosion? Why were those drills so stuck in my head that it was still the first thing that I thought about? I was not prepared for this. None of us were prepared for this. They never told us what to do next.

. . .

I do not like this leaving plan. I hate this leaving plan. I know we need information. I know we need to be as prepared as we can for whatever is going on out there. I know that it is a good idea. I still hate this leaving plan. Thank heavens Emily isn't going out there with him. She's looking traumatized enough without adding whatever damage is out there to the list of things she's worrying over. I don't like that he's going by himself, but that's better than going with Emily. The two of them together have never been a think beyond the moment combination, and I would like to have him back in one piece. He does not get to complain that I'm looking at him however he thinks I'm looking at him. I am his mother, and I can look at him with any look I want. He needs to get it crammed past that thick skull of his that I worry about him. I will always worry about him, and the best return he can give me on that is to make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid that keeps him from coming back to me.

. . .

Why didn't we think of this before? The freezers are all worthless. Who knows when we'll get new supplies? Having a barbecue was the obvious thing to do. Everyone needs to relax for a few minutes and realize that we are still alive. We should all be grateful for that. He came back - without any new visible injuries. Those are two more reasons to be grateful.

**Shep**

Keep him quiet. That was all I was supposed to do. I was just supposed to keep him quiet so that the rest of the people in the shelter wouldn't get upset. I knew he was claustrophobic. Why didn't I think about that sooner? Why didn't I think about moving him somewhere less crowded before things got out of hand? Why wasn't I looking out for my friend? Some friend I turned out to be. I should have tried harder to talk to him. I should have thought of something to help him get his mind off of where he was. Look at that girl - asking questions with that expression on her face like she just can't understand what could have happened. I was right there, and I still don't understand what happened. She's right. I should have gone for help. There were any number of people who could have done something for him just around the corner, and I sat there. I sat there looking at him not knowing what to do. It should have been simple. I should have known what needed to be done and done it. But I didn't, and now he's dead. She should know what happened. She did her level best to help him. She should know that there wasn't anything else she could have done. It was me. I'm the one who didn't help him. I'm the one who let him die. I don't know if I can live with that.

**Johnston**

I had forgotten about those old school drill days. She's struggling to get a grasp on what is happening in the best way she knows how. I can't say anything to help with that. I just have to be here and hold her. Those first few years of marriage would have been a lot easier on us both if I had known that then. It's quite the life skill - knowing when you just need to shut up. That's what they should have been teaching us during all those worthless drill days - that women don't want you to talk them through things; they just want you to be there and listen to them. Did I ever clue the boys in on that? Now is not the time to have the flu. I don't have time to lie around resting. We have to get those people out of the mine, then we have to find out what is going on out there.

. . .

I swallowed my personal pride. I tried to do the right thing thanking this guy for his service to the town, and he threw it back in my face. That man always says that he wants to be a town leader. Leaders do not let their personal issues cloud their judgement. They also know when to keep their mouths shut in public. They pull people together to do what needs doing. He wants to lead. Well, he's about to get a lesson in the responsibilities of leadership.

**Dale**

"It sure looks like what it looks like." Are all of her friends idiots? I didn't see any of them coming over to talk her into going to the shelter or keeping her company while she cried about her parents. None of them cared enough to be with her then. The lemmings returned and she fell right into step with them. I'm the one who fixed her house, I'm the one who listened to her talk about her parents, I'm the one who didn't leave her alone, and I'm the one who gets dropped as soon as she doesn't need me anymore. I guess the world didn't change as much yesterday as I thought it did. Mrs. Leigh cares about me. That's something. Look at this place. It is picked clean. How's she going to stay open? Wait a minute. If that's when the train was coming, it should have already been on its way. It didn't come through, so it has to be stopped somewhere on the line before here. It shouldn't even be that far away, and the shipment might still be on it. It belongs to her, so it's not like it would be stealing. I just have to find it. The store can stay open that way.

. . .

It's a train, and that's a car - what's left of one anyway. They can't all be locked. Why did I walk all this way and not think about bringing something to break the doors open with? Jackpot.

**Gray**

I'll go to Topeka. That is the best place for me to be. I can see which parts of the government are up and running and maybe get some real support for us here. Topeka is the obvious place to go for help. Any government structure should start there and work its way out. They should know what is happening. There that girl goes pestering Shep. She is going to be a problem. I'll need to head her off and get her to drop the subject. I'll need to have that conversation with Shep before I leave as well.

. . .

You know, I was going to just let this situation be until I got back. Finding out what is going on out there takes precedence, but you brought it up. I am not going to let you start in acting like what happened down there is something that I should be responsible for explaining. This is all on you, and you apparently want to have this conversation now. So be it. Don't you look at me like I am saying something that is out of line. You know you are responsible for this. When I get back from this trip, the whole town is going to know that you are responsible for this. That man wouldn't have been in that situation if it wasn't for you. You killed him just as surely as if you shot him in the head. Why? Because you couldn't manage to run routine maintenance on town buildings? Now you want to talk in private? You didn't want to wait to have this conversation in private when you thought you could shove Scott Rennie's death off on me. What? You don't want the people of Jericho to know just how incompetent you are? Too bad. They are gonna know. They are gonna know all of it. He hit me. I can't believe he hit me. Is this how he thinks he is going to run this town? He's just going to beat anyone who calls him on his mistakes into submission? Oh, you win this round, but only because there are things that I need to be doing. This is not over. I will be back, and we will finish this.

. . .

What are you thinking? You were not responsible for what happened. You could have gotten over it. You just needed a little time to cope with everything. I will not relay that message. There is absolutely no reason for you to put your family through that. It's better for them to think you went off on a mission and something happened while you were doing your duty to the town. Why would you want them to live with knowing that you were making a choice to not come back to them? I'm not going to be responsible for telling them that. That would just be cruel. What a waste. It wasn't your fault. Now you're just one more casualty of the incompetence of Johnston Green.


	4. Walls

**Bonnie**

This is what it looks like. This must be what Dr. Green was telling them. This is why they all looked so shocked and concerned. This is what they didn't want to let me know about. This could have been Stanley. He knows what I am thinking. He tells me he is fine, but we don't know that. We just know he is fine for right now. We don't know what will happen to him later. Miss Lisinski is pulling me out of the room because they still don't want me to see. It is too late for that. Don't they think that I have been wondering? Don't they think my imagination has been driving me crazy going through all the different things that might happen to him?

They all still think that I am this little girl who won't worry over things unless it is right in front of her. It's better for me to see. Not knowing what may happen doesn't make things any less scary. It just makes you scared and not ready. If you know what might happen, you can get ready for it. I don't like getting taken by surprise. I wasn't ready for Mamma and Dad to never come home. That didn't make it any easier. That time wasn't his fault. He didn't know that was coming, but he knew about the farm. He knew, and he shut me out. He left me to not be ready for my life to change. He's trying to do it again.

Pushing me out of the room doesn't change anything. I still know. Why can't he see that I need him to talk to me about it? About everything? If he's going to leave me, does he have to keep me shut out before he goes? I'm grown up. He can't be my mother and father any more. We're past that time. It's time for him to be my brother and my friend. It's time for us to really be a team - not just the pretending to be a team that he used to tell me to make me feel better when I was little. What if we never get to that? What if he gets sick? What if we're out of time? He was there when they died just like I was. He remembers what it was like to get blind sided. He should even remember it better. It was harder on him because he had to take care of me. He knows how awful it is to have everything come crashing down on you when you weren't expecting it. Why would he do that to me on purpose? I'm so mad at him, and I'm so scared that I don't have enough time to be mad at him all at once. I want to scream at him, but I can't. What if something happens and that's the last thing I ever say to him? Why can't he just stop pretending that I'm a baby?

**Gracie**

What now? The store is empty. The town already took anything that was worth taking. They ate everything that was about to spoil. I didn't even get a thank you out of the whole charitable contribution. So, what is that noise? Someone is breaking in now? Who doesn't know that there is nothing left to take? I would have thought that would have been obvious. Putting me out of business wasn't enough? Someone has to tear the store up on top of everything else? He practically gave me a heart attack. Doesn't he know better than to sneak up on a woman my age? Look at it all. The shelves are all stocked. That blessed, blessed boy did this. How did he do this? There's nowhere to go to get these things. Where did it all come from? I can't take this. It isn't mine. Well, some of it is mine, but some of it belongs to other stores and other people in other towns. I can't just let him take it, can I? He did find it. No one else went out looking for that train. If there is nothing in my store, then all the people in this town have nowhere to go for the things that they are going to need. Who knows when help will be coming? Maybe this is the right thing to be done, given the situation. Maybe it's for the best.

. . .

How dare you ask me for the gas in my car? Haven't I already done enough? Why am I always the one who is supposed to bail the town out of its supply emergencies? I did my part. You think I don't know that the med center needs electricity. Everyone knows that. Repeating it is not going to change my mind. I was willing to let my livelihood be destroyed to help this town out. Don't you dare talk to me like I'm uncaring. It is someone else's turn to make a sacrifice for the good of the town. I'm done.

. . .

That girl isn't worth the value of the time he spends thinking about her. I knew what was going to happen when he went to that party. People like her never change. She's a spoiled brat. She has been from when she was a tiny little thing crying for her mother to buy her a candy bar. That boy is everything she's not - kind, giving, and unselfish. I don't know what he sees in her. I take that back. He is a teenage boy. By the time they are old enough to figure out that pretty isn't everything, half the time it is too late. I am sure she is plenty nice to you when she wants something. That's always their way. When did I get so cynical? I can't tell him what to do. They never listen when you do that, but I don't want him wasting his time moping over her. What would his mother have said?

**Bill**

There is no way that I am risking my life to carry some half-dead, radioactive pharmacy thief to the med center. It is not going to happen. I have almost been killed once this week already. I have met my danger quota. I am not taking any more chances. I don't care how much guilt they try to lay on me. This is insane. We don't know what is going on out there. We've got two scouts who haven't come back. Who knows what happened to them? There are tanks belonging to who knows who rattling around the countryside. We could be being invaded. Jimmy and I are supposed to be this town's protection? I write traffic tickets and deal with bored teenagers carrying cans of spray paint. I do not have gun battles with escaped convicts. I do not take on armored vehicles full of terrorist forces. I can't do this.

. . .

I knew something happened to them out there. Shep's probably dead. Gray's probably dead. I don't care about the medical state of that stranger. We need information, and we need it now. This is not about right or wrong; this is about us or them. We can't play nice here. "They're coming." Did no one else hear that? There's no nice way to take those words. We need to know what we're dealing with here. We need to know what's happening out there. We have to do what we have to do to be ready for whoever "they" are.

**Heather**

When someone offers to walk you home, you should talk to him. We need a topic of conversation. It needs to be something nonthreatening and not overly privacy invasive but preferably informative. Would you stop over thinking this? Gross, that place was so unsanitary. My estimation of your taste just plummeted like five percentage points. This is fun. What do they call this again? Bantering? That's what this is. I'm not altogether bad at this. I'm not even tripping over my words. Maybe I'm not so bad at talking to adults after all. One mysterious sound from the alleyway and the moment is broken - the perils of hanging out with the hero in residence.

. . .

Why was I here again? Gas. The clinic needs gas for the generator. I had an idea. I was coming to talk to him about the gas situation. Do that! Focus on the words. Look at the wall, at the floor, anywhere. Just get the words out! Done. You made it. It was kind of coherent even. Water pump? Yeah, let's go with that. It should work.

. . .

I guess gas stations have to cover their bases just like teachers do - we could leave an IOU. When all else fails, fall back on the paperwork. That always makes the administrative types feel better. I think he just realized that the administrative types are probably not in a position to care. He did; he knows. I don't have anything to say that will make that better for him. What can you say? Is that steel? We can't use that. I should have been more specific about the container. I should have just gone with him to get it. If I had, they wouldn't be up there arguing over who gets to take their chances on dying today. We need to stop thinking this over. And Jake wins the round of "I get to be in mortal peril" - big surprise there.

. . .

I knew the static was going to be a problem. We can't open it when it's like this. What are we going to do now? We can't just take this lightly. We are right next to the clinic. We have to consider what could happen if this thing blows up. Oh, my. I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes. I guess they are even for the day. You don't have time to dwell on that now. It's done; you just need to keep going. Getting the generator going is what is important right now. You can sit and think about what could have happened later - much later, when nobody will see you shaking.

. . .

They didn't make it. Is this what it's like out there? It's a long walk from Denver. Wasn't there anyone to help them on the way? The only thing we can do is bury them. What about the next group? Will we be able to help them? How do we make it better?

**Jimmy**

A twinge of guilt runs through me as I watch Bill back away. I don't want to touch him either. I have a wife and two kids. I love them, and I don't want to do anything that is going to lead to me leaving them. I help people all the time. That's my job, but this is different. How do I weigh security for my family against being kind to a complete stranger? Does that make me a bad person? Don't look at me like that. If it were you, I would help in a heartbeat. You're my friend. I wouldn't just let you lie there. That's different, isn't it?

. . .

I don't think I would have worded it that way, but Bill is right. We need some help here. The two of us can't handle all of this on our own. We need some people who are level-headed. We need some people who are calm in a crisis. This town needs to see people in authority who are handling things well. That will keep everybody calm, and keeping people calm will help keep order. Who is around that fits that description?

. . .

There's no electricity, and I'm still making the rounds breaking up a teenager's party. I guess it's better than having to take on a tank. Hasn't it sunk into that girl's head yet? When this stuff is gone, it's gone. Things aren't normal anymore, and she's going to have to learn that fast. They all are.

**Jake**

Walking a girl home, that's something I haven't done in ages. I had almost forgotten what it was like to just relax and not look over my shoulder. Is she insulting the Pizza Garden? I loved the Pizza Garden. That was the best place ever, and my dish washing skills were excellent. My mother would argue otherwise, but she doesn't need to know about that. It never lasts. There's always going to be something. Who breaks into a pharmacy? That was a stupid question. That'll be a fun way to end the evening - dealing with some detoxing addict looking for painkillers. How can they look at this man and not think that they need to help? What's wrong with them? Am I disgusted with them because they aren't going to do anything or because what they're saying reminds me that my first thought was to jump back away from him too?

. . .

She's embarrassed. That's so cute. I wonder how many different places she can find to look at before she's done talking. Is she even pausing to breathe? Is it physically possible to talk that fast and not get tongue tied? I guess so. That's a good idea. We'll need the pump and a storage container and a truck to move it with. I'll have to get Stanley to help and then hunt up whoever has the keys for the storage tanks at the station. It'll take a while to get everything together. Is she staring at the wall over my shoulder?

. . .

All their talk about keeping order and not letting people panic is coming down to this? Don't they realize that what they are doing is panicking? They're just doing it in a quieter manner. If they weren't in panic mode, they would realize what it is they are saying. They're suggesting that we throw out all the rules about the right and wrong way to do things and play it by ear. I've seen what happens when people do that. I've had a front row seat. I never thought I would see it happen here. Why are we the ones having this conversation? Where is Dad? We should be going out to help those people instead of sitting here debating how far we are willing to go on the off chance that we might get some information. There is no way I'm letting any of you be alone with him. Especially you. When did you end up in a decision making capacity? That was just a little too smooth of a transition from stranger to the trusted advisor category. I don't trust you.

. . .

We are too late. I'm too late. I should have gotten here faster. I shouldn't have waited to try to be sure of the location. I just should have come looking. I shouldn't have wasted time trying to talk other people into helping. I should have taken the ones I knew would come and gotten here sooner. It wouldn't have made any difference.

**Allison**

Other people have parents who drill their children on study questions for tests. I get to sit here and be coached on the best ways to lie. How's that for family bonding? Who does he think he is? He was gone for so long, and he just swoops back in out of nowhere and expects us to listen to him. That is so not going to happen. I am sick of being cooped up in this house. I am sick of listening to him talk like he is some kind of caring father who is worried about our welfare. I know my stupid story. I can recite it backwards for you. There is no way I could mix it up with my real life. I'll just substitute the complete opposite of everything that really happened. Don't you dare push me. I will push you back. You might get away with pushing Sam around. Mom may even let you jerk her around again. I won't. I remember what it was like before. You didn't care about us then, and you don't care about us now. Am I the only one who remembers how he got us here in the first place? Why are any of us listening to anything he has to say? I have got to get out of here.

. . .

She is right. There is nothing else to do around here. It's not like I'm going back to that house. It's a house. It is not my home, and I am going to stay away from it for as long as possible. I should have known that she didn't really mean it. Nobody invites the new kid anywhere. It was stupid of me to show up here. I should just leave. I can do this. None of these people care enough to ask me questions. Even if they did, I would be able to spout the answers off in my sleep. He can't tell me where I can and cannot go. Music, snacks, and boys will beat pretending we are a happy family any day. How did he end up patrolling with the police?

. . .

I am so busted. I don't even know what to expect. If it were Mom, I would know exactly what she was going to say and how she was going to say it. It has been four years. I don't remember what it was like to have him punish us. I don't think he was ever around to punish us. It was always Mom. She handled everything even before he was gone. I will sit here, and I will pretend like I am listening because it is the quickest way to get you to leave me alone. It doesn't change anything. You are still not in charge. You do not have my respect. You can talk until you are blue in the face, but I do not have to listen to you. Don't kiss me. You may be my father, but you are not my dad.

**Johnston**

"Limited resources" is just a code phrase for saying that you want to start turning people away. There is no use trying to talk around it. You can at least flat out admit what you are saying and own it. We are not going to go there if I can help it. Deciding that you are taking that route means that you are willing to start playing God. You start deciding who is worth more than someone else. You start deciding on values for people's lives. It doesn't matter that you start with the best of intentions - no one should be trusted with that kind of power. We're barely into this situation, and they're already wanting to start making tradeoffs. This could very well get a lot worse before it gets any better. If we are already willing to give up being the kind of people we have always tried to be, what's going to happen to us when those worse things come? What is that quote about not profiting by losing your soul? This community needs a reminder of what is at stake here. This isn't about the inconvenience of having to walk instead of driving a car, it isn't about having to make due without any electricity, and it isn't even about worrying over where our next meal is going to come from. This is so much bigger than that, and they all need to realize it. I think I'm going to have to make a speech.

**Stanley**

I can see that she is worried, so I tell her that I am fine. I use the sign without the words so that she knows that I am talking to her - only her. This is a private conversation. She needs to stop being worried and seeing this is not helping her. If I tell someone to take her out of here, she is going to flip out on me. Heather, come on, notice that she needs to go. This is not something that she needs to see. I can't take that expression on her face. I am supposed to protect her and keep her from ever having to look like that. It kills me that she is looking like that because of me. She is not supposed to worry about me; it is supposed to be the other way around. Bill and Jimmy are being jerks. Don't they realize that this could have been me? I could have been the one laying here dying. I could have died in that storm shelter, and this is what Bonnie would have had to watch. What would they have done then? Would they have just left me alone and let her watch it happen because they were scared? I've got news for them - I am scared. I am the one who has things to worry about. I am still petrified by the thought of what she could have had to go through. I'm petrified of what might still happen to her if she gets left on her own. I might still die from this. Mine will just be a different, slower form. Please don't make her watch that. She has had so many things happen to her already. Please don't let me be the reason she has to cope with any more grief. She deserves better than that.

. . .

Is there any fair way to settle this? I don't want either one of us to die. Why did she even have to tell us that it might blow up? It probably won't. We could have been perfectly happy not knowing that it was a possibility. I was the one out in the rain. I may as well be the one taking the extra chances. It is just like when we were kids - he orders and I follow without thinking about it. He is up there, and I'm down here just like that. Old habits are hard to break.

. . .

I can't believe I just did that. I could have killed all three of us. I could have left Bonnie on her own. I could have taken out half of the med center. What was I thinking? That we didn't have time for another argument? That Jake had taken a turn once already today? That it must be my turn to do something stupid? If this wasn't so serious, the look on Heather's face would be priceless. Now is not the time to think about that. This is not a joke.

**April**

How did we fall back into this trap so quickly? Was being in the shelter with me for a few hours and then having an actual dinner just too much for him to handle? Did he have to disappear and be off working on something for the town for half the night to get away from me? Where is he? Where is that man that was in the shelter with me? Where is the man who was actually with me? The one that I married? Why can't we keep things together out here? What's the difference? He just doesn't get it. I'm doing the best I can to keep things together here, but I can't do it all by myself. I need help. I need his help. I need to know that I can count on him. I need to know that he isn't going to disappear every time I turn around.

. . .

The man who just grabbed my arm and kept me from taking care of my patient is someone I don't even know. How can he be so callous? What happened to that man who was holding my hand while we watched over the baby? Listen to him trying to justify what he did. He doesn't even believe it himself. He's just trying to make himself feel better. He's trying to act like he isn't responsible. I can't even look at him right now. I'm so angry with him. How can he be both those men at once?

**Gail**

Knowing is different from seeing. You can throw the words radiation sickness around and know intellectually that they mean something bad. You might even have a picture tucked away in the back of your head of what you think that the burns might look like. It's like being in nursing school. You read the textbooks, and you memorize the words. You think that you know what you are getting yourself into, and then you go on your first hospital rotation. Nothing is the same as seeing. It could have been Jake. It could have been him so easily. If we hadn't gone together to the cemetery or he had come home a day earlier, this is the state he could be in somewhere. I would never have known for sure what had happened to him. I would have spent the rest of my life wondering. Somebody somewhere is wondering about this man. I know exactly how they feel.

. . .

I'm proud of the way she is handling the stress here today. She jumped right in to do whatever she could for that man without a second thought. She is keeping control of a staff that is frightened. She is bordering on being completely exhausted, and she is still putting all of her focus on her patients. She isn't settling for the easy way out. She's trying to do the best for all of them, but it's starting to take a toll on her. I can see that she's getting nervous about what happens next. She needs to know that she isn't alone in all of this. She has help that she can rely on. She needs to know that she's taking the right path. We have to do whatever we can for whoever we can for however long we can. That's the only way that any of us are going to make it through these challenges.

. . .

Bonnie is still hovering around his room. I know why, but there isn't anything I can say to her that will help. There is only one person that will be able to say the things that she needs to hear, and I am not sure if he is ready to do that yet. The two of them will have to work this out together. If it makes her feel better to keep an eye on him, then this is where she should be. They don't give that girl nearly enough credit. She's been through a lot in her life, and she's tough. Besides, aren't I hovering around this room for the same reason? I'm trying to be a proxy for the people that can't be here for him because I was close to being them. Don't think. Just do. You know what needs to be done. This is where you can help. This is where you can do something instead of sitting around waiting. Keep trying. Think about Jake. What if it was him surrounded by strangers? You would want them to keep trying.

**Back to Bonnie**

I came back to check on you. I was thinking that if your family was here, they would talk to you. Sometimes it takes new people a long time to understand the way that I talk, so I didn't know if that was a good idea. Then, I thought that since you aren't awake, that maybe I could just think about what I wanted to say to you and that would count. I thought that you might still know that someone was with you. I just want you to know that you aren't alone. So, can we try it? Stanley, that's my brother, went to go get gas for the generator. It's keeping the machines running to help you breathe. Don't worry. He'll be back soon. Dr. Green is a really good doctor, and she wants to help you. Mrs. Green has been checking on you too. She used to be a nurse, and she is still good at helping people. I'm sorry that your family isn't with you. I know they want to be. My parents were in the hospital when I was really little, and I know that I wish I could have been with them. We won't let you be alone. When Stanley gets back, Mrs. Green will stay with you. I'll have to go with him because we need to talk. He isn't as good at listening as you are. I'm worried about him. He was out in rain that might have had radiation in it. It wasn't as bad as what you got, but I don't know what is going to happen. He doesn't want me to worry, but I worry about a lot of things. Doesn't your family worry about you? I'm sure they do. That's what families do. They worry about each other, and they find ways to take care of each other. Is your family at home, or did they have to leave it? We have had the same home my entire life, but we might have to leave. I hope your family still has their home. I'm sorry that some of the nurses are being so mean about coming in here. They just don't understand. I understand because of Stanley. I wouldn't want him to be alone either. That's how I know how your family feels. They want you to get better. I know they do. Could you try for them? I know it would make them happy to know you were trying. Can I confess something? I'm being very selfish. I do know that your family wants you to get better so you can go home to them, but I want you to try too. Remember when I told you that you're sicker than my brother is going to get? If you get better, then I know that he will be fine. So, could you keep trying for your family and for me? Mrs. Green is here. She'll take good care of you. I'll be back later.


	5. Federal Response

**Jake**

She's a good judge of character? Look at all of them trying not to snicker. They all know exactly what I am. They have known it for years. Something is seriously wrong with these women from out of town. Who looks at me and thinks "most likely to succeed?" That is almost as bizarre as a school teacher who looks at me and thinks "hero." Well, this group will set Mimi straight within the next few minutes. I am sure they all have dozens of stories that they are just dying to tell. We always have to make sure everyone knows just how much of a screw up Jake is. We wouldn't want anyone to be unprepared for their impending disappointment. I wonder if anyone has gotten to Heather yet? Aren't I just full of self pity today. Snap out of it. You've earned it; you live with it. What the heck was that between Eric and Mary Bailey? She saw it too? I didn't just imagine that?

. . .

We are supposed to be adults. You can stop playing tattletale for Dad any time now. It looks like everything is covered. They know what they are doing. They are the ones in charge after all. They don't need me around. I swear it's just like being back in high school today. Everybody standing around trading "can you believe what Jake did" stories, Eric being a little sneak and reporting back to Dad on what I have been up to, and nobody actually needing me to do anything. Things must be going back to normal.

. . .

She acts like it is so simple. I don't want to think about what happens when everything goes back to the way it was. She has been watching this back and forth for years. She has got to know that there is no place for me here when things go back to the way they were. Don't look at me like that. He isn't like you. You still look at me seeing what you think I could be. He looks at me and sees everything that he has always been afraid I'll end up being. I can't change that. It's not like I didn't try. I tried to make you the one that was right. You have always been right about most things, and I wanted you to be right about me. You think that telling him will make things better. I know that telling him will just show him that he was the one who was right all along. I can't do this right now. I know you aren't going to give it up. I know that you will just keep wearing me down later, but right now I just can't listen to it. You are setting yourself up to be disappointed, and I don't want to do that to you again. Secrets are better than watching what you are going to go through when all of your hopes get thrown back in your face.

**Gail**

Things might be getting back to normal now. That should be a happy thought, but it isn't. I know good and well what normal means for my family. I do not want that kind of normal back. I have tried really hard to not push him. He has no idea how hard I have tried to just let all of this run its course. He has no idea how hard it is for me to have not stepped in and taken control of the situation. I can't do it anymore. I won't do it anymore. I have given them ample time to work this out. If everything that is going on has not woken the two of them up to the fact that they do not have forever to straighten things out between them, then I am going to have to step in and wake them up myself. He is going to talk to me, and he is going to talk to his father. I don't care if they don't want to do it - too many things have happened to us in the past few days. I will not cut either of them any slack anymore. He will not leave this house again without talking to his father, and his father is going to listen. I am all out of patience. The two of them don't just carry a family stubborn streak. They build concrete walls around themselves. They can either make a choice to start tearing them down, or I can find some jackhammers. There are too many things that have been left unsaid for too long. It ends now.

. . .

What does that man think he's doing? He thought I wouldn't be back this soon. He thought he could get away with going out to that fire and that I wouldn't know anything about it. You would think that after this many years he would know that he can't get away with doing anything without my knowing about it. It's a good thing that they want you to stay here. You would be staying here anyway. I will let you go handle the power situation, then you and I are going to have a talk about our son. After that, you and I are going to have a talk about why you need to rest when you have the flu.

. . .

Why don't I ever put out the good silver? What were we waiting to have happen? What makes a day special enough for us to use the special silverware? My son is home today. That's special. My other son and daughter are coming to stay with us. That's special. We are all having dinner together. That's special. I know where all of them are. That's special. All of us are alive. That's special. My husband and my son are going to really, truly talk to each other tonight - that's a miracle. This is definitely a good silver kind of day.

**Heather**

It worked. They're all here. They all need some normalcy in their lives - even if I'm not exactly sure what kind of normal we are going to be getting. Poor Emily. I bet it's going to be a lot harder for her to get her high school kids back to school. Is she conscious? Is she breathing? I need to get them away from the fire, but I can't leave her. I guess we get to see how well I did teaching them emergency drills. Calm voice, simple directions, and a direct order to get them moving. Done. Well, it worked for all but one of them. Superpowers? As much as that might come in handy right about now, I don't think anyone is going to be waking up with superpowers today. We'll settle for just waking up. Let April take care of Emily, and you get your focus back on your kids. Wait. Something's wrong. Head check. That's one short. Ashlee. Where's Ashlee? She went back inside? Wasn't that our first rule of fire safety? Never go back into the burning building? We didn't skip that part, did we? I should have been watching them better. Where is she? Thank goodness. Now I just have to get her out of here. Be calm. Don't let her know what's wrong with the door. I know I taught them what that means. Just keep her close to the floor. Try to block the smoke until help comes. It'll come.

**Johnston**

They want us to sit and wait. Do they really expect anyone to follow such lousy directions? People who sit and wait generally find that those are the last things that they ever do. Are we supposed to wait on help from the government? What kind of help is a little town in Kansas going to get from a government that is more than likely dealing with a countrywide crisis? They are going to have to prioritize their resources, and nobody in their right mind would put us at the top of their priority list. We will just have to keep doing whatever we can to take care of ourselves until the situation is resolved - whenever that happens. He looks almost disappointed. Does he think that he is the only one that knows how to take charge and handle things around here? I have been doing this leadership stuff for a lot longer than he has. I know what needs to be taken care of while we have still got electricity. I know that we don't know how long it will stay on. I know what I am doing.

. . .

She is not supposed to be here. She was supposed to be out taking care of the horses. Why is she not still out taking care of the horses? I swear that woman has spies keeping tabs on me. Now what? We weren't supposed to have to have this discussion because she wasn't supposed to know I was going. Don't you look at me like I am one of the boys you just caught trying to sneak out of the house. I am not doing anything wrong. I am just doing my job. You see - that's the radio. They need my help. You can't argue with that. Fine. They need my help here. I'll be staying because this is where I can be helpful - not because you want to coddle me because of some little coughing spells. Who am I kidding? She wins; she always wins eventually. How does she do that?

. . .

She is right. I have been watching him since all this craziness started. I do like what I have been seeing. It can't hurt to tell him that. I told him that I would realize that he was a grown up when he did, and I'm a man of my word. If someone had told me that boy was going to be all the things that I have seen over the past few days, I would not have believed it. She did tell me, and I didn't believe it. I guess I had to see it myself. I doubt he's going to want to tell me how he got to this point - even I can see that he's carrying around some baggage. I'll just keep it short and to the point. I hate these touchy, feely conversations. Those were always supposed to be Gail's part of the job. We're gonna need a drink.

**Mimi**

How does anybody sleep without background noise? Doesn't anyone notice that when there aren't any other sounds you have to listen to all the thoughts sloshing around in your brain? It was nice to not have to sit up alone this time. Farmer boy is sweet. It's a pity he has no sense for finances. It's the power first, the phones second, and then the planes, trains, or buses. I don't care which one it is. I am getting out of here. I'm going home. I'll be returning to civilization in the now foreseeable future. I can wear different clothes. I will be able to sleep again.

. . .

What is that expression all about? Why wouldn't I be excited about going home? Surely, you can understand that. If you had been trapped somewhere when all of this started, you would be gleefully celebrating your prospects of getting out of wherever you were as well. No, dear boy, filing your account information will not be my first order of business - that will be a bubble bath. For the last time, this is just my job. I'm not the one who makes the rules. I just follow them.

. . .

Oh sweetie, he has you suckered. I recognize the symptoms. You're right. This isn't my business. I'm just doing my good deed for the day. It will not be that simple. It's never that simple. You don't have to listen. It's no skin off my nose. I just passed on the reality check.

**April**

What is he thinking? I meant for him to have the firefighters check on her. I didn't mean that he should go rushing into a burning building. He didn't even take any of the gear with him. Where are they? I have to get in there. What is this? They don't notice when he goes rushing into the fire, but me they stop? He might be hurt. He might need me. He has to make it out of there. I can't lose him. I will try harder to make things better. I will stop questioning the way he is making decisions. I will stop doubting his priorities. I will do anything. Please just let him come walking back out of that door. Something has to have gone wrong. Why aren't any of the firemen going in to help them? What are they waiting for? We were so angry the last time we spoke to each other. It can't end like that. I have to tell him that I am sorry. I have to tell him that I didn't mean for things to get this way. I have to tell him that I want to make it better. Please just walk out the door. Please. I should be thinking about this little girl. I should be checking her over and making sure that she is fine. I know I should, but I just can't tear my eyes away from him. I almost lost him. He was almost gone. We almost never got a chance to fix everything. Why did we waste so much time not trying to fix things? She will be fine. She just got some smoke. Heather just needed to have her hand bandaged. I don't know what he needs because he won't slow down long enough to let me take care of him. He is just like his father that way. How has Gail put up with this so well for so long? I know that I was bargaining back there. I know that people usually don't follow through on any of those things that they say when they are doing that. I am not going to take any of it back. I have never felt so empty in my life as I just felt thinking that he wasn't coming back to me. I didn't lose him in the fire, and I'm not going to lose him to whatever it is that we've let build up between us. I will back him on his decision to not send anyone to the fire near our home. I will back him because I know he is doing his best to put the town first, and I will back him because I know that he needs me to agree with him on this. I meant what I said.

. . .

Why didn't those papers burn? It's explanation time. You have to find some way to put everything you have been thinking and feeling these past few days into words that he can understand.

**Dale**

Just because I am walking away from you does not mean that I suddenly can't hear what you're saying anymore. I'm not Bonnie. I don't have to see your lips moving to know when you are talking about me. Why does she like me? That's a simple question to answer. She doesn't - not when you people are around anyway. Did she just invite me to go hang out with her? Where her friends could see? That's just too weird, and I have work to do. Mrs. Leigh needs me, and she doesn't pick and choose when it's convenient to like having me around. That wasn't nice. She's trying.

. . .

Everything is gone. There is no home to go to anymore. It was just a stupid trailer. She hated that we didn't have a real house. My room is gone. She let me have the bigger bedroom because she said that I needed more space for my stuff. Why didn't I ever tell her thank you for that? The bathroom door that stuck whenever you pulled it closed too hard is gone. She used to let a cuss word slip out whenever that happened. That stereo that I saved up for forever is gone. Why didn't I do something nice for her instead? That library book that I was supposed to take back last week is gone. Reminding me to return it was on the list of things to do that she left me when she went on her trip. That dorky sweater that I wore around the house so that she wouldn't know that I actually hated it and would rather die than wear it in public is gone. That stupid scrapbook of all my artwork from elementary school that she would put stuff in after she took it off of the fridge is gone. All of the pictures of the two of us are gone. The answering machine tape is gone. I am really never going to hear her voice again. She is gone, and everything that I had left to remind me of her is gone. There is nothing that I can do about it. I can't get any of it back. It's just gone. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to break down and start crying in the middle of the store? That is not going to change any of it. It is not going to bring back my home. It is not going to bring back her. There is no point in screaming or kicking or hitting things. It is not going to do any good. Throwing a tantrum has never gotten me anything that I have wanted before, and it sure isn't going to get me anything now. I am not your charity case. I don't need your help. I don't need anybody's help. I can take care of myself. I have to take care of myself. Don't get mad at her. It's not her fault; she's on her own too.

**Ashlee**

Does all that smoke mean that there is a fire inside the library? Fires burn paper. Mom always puts the old newspapers in our fireplace at home. They turn into ashes. Is that what is going to happen to all the books? We haven't finished Alice at story time yet. I don't know what happens at the end. If it burns up in the fire, does that mean that we never get to finish it? How come the firemen aren't here? Miss Lisinski says our buddies are always supposed to know where we are, so I'll tell Lucas that I am going to rescue Alice. That way I'm following the safety rules, and Miss Lisinski won't be mad at me. See there's not even a fire in the kid's room. Where's that book? Why aren't the firemen coming? How did the fire sneak up behind me? The fireman that came to our class said if we couldn't see a way to get out that we should stay in one spot and wait for them to come to us. Why haven't they come yet? Miss Lisinski looks scared. Is she mad at me? Why is the fireman angry? Does he know I broke the safety rules? If the fireman can't get us out, what's going to happen to us? The firemen are always supposed to know what to do. I'm sorry I came in the building. I won't ever do it again. I promise. I just wanna go home now.

**Mary**

I knew it was all going to work out. I knew it all was just the confusion of everything happening all at once. It was just the stress taking its toll. He just needed a little push, and now everything is going to be back to normal. It's even going to be better than what used to be normal. We are finally going to be moving forward. There will be no more sneaking around, no more hiding, and no more pretending that we aren't absolutely crazy about each other. I won't have to settle for stolen moments here and there. There'll be no more leaving me in the middle of the night to go "home." From now on, going home for him means coming home with me. It'll just be us, together, living our lives. I have waited so long for this, and it is finally going to happen. It is all going to happen tonight. There's no more waiting for a vague, far off someday. Someday is in just a few short hours.

. . .

What does she know about it? She doesn't know Eric. She doesn't know us. It isn't any of her business anyway. We'll be fine. What does she mean girls like us? She doesn't know anything about me. She's just a miserable, intoxicated woman who's trying to bring everybody else down with her. Everything is going to be perfect starting tonight. I know it is. He wouldn't lie to me. He loves me. I love him. That's all that matters. Just ignore her.

. . .

I am so closing early tonight. I can't stand around listening to people whine about their problems today. Tonight will be all about celebrating. I don't have to give a reason to close early. It's my bar. I can do whatever I want. I don't have to explain that to anybody. He should be here any minute. She had to have gotten away from the clinic by now. They both already knew it was over. He said so. They just need to tell each other that they know that. It shouldn't take that long. They will probably both be relieved to have everything out in the open. I'm sure they will. They can both move on and be happy this way. She's probably been looking for a way to start up the conversation. She'll be happy that he's taking the initiative. The whole shelter thing was just a fluke. That was just her dealing with being upset about everything that was happening. I'm sure it was. We were all thinking things we didn't really mean that day. I can understand that. The important thing is that they can both stop pretending now. Everyone will be happy. Whatever kind of announcement is coming, I don't have to listen to it alone. He'll be with me - all the time from now until forever. It can't be. There's no way. He couldn't have not told her. He can't put me through this again. He promised.

**Stanley**

I have been really nice to her. I even sat up all night playing cards with her. I'm trying to be a nice guy and do the right thing here. That's got to count for something, right? Shouldn't she be softening up a little? Why is she in such a hurry to get out of here? I mean it might be the end of the world as we know it out there - collecting back taxes can't possibly be at the top of anyone's to do list, can it? She's not volunteering any information, so I guess I am going to have to come right out and ask.

. . .

He's seriously scaring me here. Where exactly has he been? I'm not buying that army story anymore. What does he mean how do I not know that? We have well water. Why would I know the details of how the city pumping stations work? Who pays attention to that? Leverage? Now that is a word that I understand. That I can handle. I can get you leverage. I guess I should probably make sure that it's unloaded first - safety first and all that. Don't tell me to relax. Have you seen how many accidents happen around you? Just take care of my Christmas present.

. . .

That's not fair. I want to know what's happening just as badly as everyone else does. There are dozens of other people in here. Why do I have to be the errand runner? Oh, that's why.

**Darcy**

You never did like to not be in control of the situation. Look at you. Someone needs to come pull you out of that hole you are digging. I haven't decided yet whether I am willing to be that someone. I have been on my own with these children for four years. Let's be honest - I was on my own with these children for a lot longer than that. I didn't have anyone backing me up. I didn't have anyone to help me when I got it wrong. I had to figure it out as I went. Did you ever understand what this whole being a parent situation is like? You sure aren't acting like it now. It's amusing watching you being routed by our teenage daughter. I'm probably enjoying seeing it just a little too much for it to be in good taste for me to admit to it. I am not going to feel guilty about that. You owe me way more than that.

That was a rhetorical "why" by the way. Giving her an answer is just going to get you some eye rolling and a possible door slamming. She is not going to give you any room for making errors. She is not going to be that forgiving. You can't just show back up in her life and expect her to say how high when you say jump. If it were just about me, I think I would just let you hang yourself in the mess you are making. It is not about me though. It hasn't been about me for years. It's about them. It wasn't fair that they had so much of their childhoods with no father. If you are serious about changing that, if you are serious about making an effort, then I might just have to help you. You never were very good at taking advice. I'm not going to push. You'll figure out that what you're doing with her isn't working soon enough. Less talking and more listening? She got older while you were off doing who knows what. She is a teenager. That's part of the package.

Sam will be easier for you. He is a lot younger that Alli, and he remembers a lot less about what things used to be like. He's not carrying a grudge. He just has to get used to you being around, and he will accept it. Play some games and read some stories and he will open up for you. She is not going to let you off that easily. You are going to have to get her to forgive you first. If you really want this, you are going to have to be willing to work for it. She is not just going to accept that she can trust you. You are going to have to show her that she can trust you. You are going to have to show me that I can trust you. So, start showing us.

**Back to Jake**

What is he doing? He spotted me; I must be getting sloppy. Don't think you are going to threaten me. I don't scare off that easily. We both know that if you had nothing to be worried about that you would not be having this conversation with me. I don't have time for this right now. Just get in the truck. I still don't trust you. I don't even particularly want to have your help, but I don't mind having you where I can keep an eye on you. Do you think I don't know what you are doing? Do you think I don't recognize when I'm being pumped for information? Do you think you're dealing with an amateur here? I know I am not dealing with an amateur - that's what worries me. You are clearly a professional. The question is what kind of professional are you?

I don't give him enough credit? Maybe I don't, but he doesn't exactly give me any leeway either. Do I really have anything to lose here? He already thinks what he thinks. I will just be handing him some more cement to shore up what he believes. I can't sink any lower in his estimation, so what is the problem with telling him? She could be right. Maybe it is time to just lay everything out on the table and let it all fall where it may. It will make her happy at least. The two of us shouldn't be able to get any worse. If nothing else, he will actually know. He won't be guessing about what horrible things I may have been up to anymore. That has got to be better, right? Stop stalling. She is not going to let you get by without talking to him this time. She has made up her mind, and we all know she doesn't back down. This is going to happen sooner or later. It might as well be sooner. It can just be over with. This is going to change nothing. Maybe she will stop pushing us when she sees that. He has always expected the worst from me, and he has always been right. But, he should know that I did try. I wanted to be the person she thought I could be. Even if I never made that happen, the fact that I tried has got to count for something, doesn't it? See, he doesn't even want to hear. I knew there was a reason that we have never had this conversation. He knows what he knows - he doesn't need any more evidence to support that. Wait, what was that? What has Mom done to him? Is he saying what I think he is saying? Is he saying that he is happy that I am home? Is he saying that he is glad that I am here to help? Is he saying that he is starting to look at me like she does? Is that even possible?


	6. 9:02

**Stanley**

I never thought I would live to see the day that I would not be able to depend on the Greens. The whole world must have ended because this is not the town where I grew up. First, Gracie turns into some kind of a greedy extortionist. Now, I've got Mayor and Mrs. Green trying to take my crops away.

What happened to everybody? Where did the people I thought I knew go? If everything I have ever been sure of in my life can slip into nothing so quickly, what hope do any of us have of making it through this? I have always been able to go to them for help. Anything I have ever needed has always been ask and receive. When things got really tough, I knew I would always be able to go to them. It looks like I was wrong about that. I haven't been greedy about it, I never abused it, but I always knew it was an option. I never even went to them about the tax trouble. I knew that that was my hole, and I had to find my own way out of it. This is different. No matter what we thought before, we have never had things get really tough. Now I'm not a friend, I'm not an almost adopted child, and I'm not even a member of the community. I'm just some fields that they think they can confiscate.

What did I do? I know I used to pull some stupid stunts. I know I haven't always made the best choices. What am I being punished for? Why is everything coming down on me? I've tried to do a good job with Bonnie. I've tried to put her first. I've always tried to help the neighbors out whenever I can. I've always tried to be a good guy. What did I do that brought this on? If the government still exists, the IRS will eventually take our farm. If they don't, no help is coming. Which means that crop is the only way I have to make sure that Bonnie is taken care of. That crop is being eaten by worms this very minute, and I can't stop it. I wasn't asking for charity. I tried to offer Gracie a fair price. If I use her to save the crop, it's gone. If I use the town for help, it's gone. Either way I'm left with no way to take care of my sister.

This is not happening. I did not just get told that my word wasn't good enough. People I have known my entire life did not just accuse me of being a thief. Me! Bill did not just search my barn for stolen property. Don't tell me it's your job. You know me. I thought I knew you. I thought I knew this whole town. But, I guess I don't. I guess I don't know any of them. I guess Bonnie really is all I have.

**Dale**

They are all jerks. It's like they don't even realize that the world we used to live in doesn't exist anymore. They think that they are still the cool kids who can walk all over everybody else and do whatever they want and no one will stop them. I'm sick of it. The police don't care - nobody cares. Everyone is just on their own now. I'm just going to have to take care of things myself. Where do they think their families would be if this store wasn't here? I don't see any of them getting off their backsides and trying to fix anything.

. . .

I didn't mean for it to go this far. I just needed help. I just needed someone I knew could keep his mouth shut. I didn't think I was going to end up in the middle of all this. He wants to hurt Jake. If he thought he could get away with it, he would kill him. He could actually do it. He wouldn't care. It wouldn't matter to him. He wouldn't worry about anything except getting caught. How did I get here? I gotta think of something. At least I can keep Sean from helping. It's about time the police decided they care about what has been going on.

. . .

I am in so much trouble. What do I do now? What does she think she is doing trying to bail me out with a credit card that doesn't even work? But, she is trying. She's worried about me. She really does care. He cares too. He meant everything he said. He is actually trying to help. Maybe we aren't all on our own. The Mitchell plan was a bad idea. I'm smart enough to admit that. I started this when I went to him for help. I am not going to be able to get away from working with him without help. So, it is up to me to fix this. It's time to start talking.

**Mary**

How pathetic have I become? I am practically trying to lick information out of his brother's hand, and I think he knows what I'm doing. It's like being in junior high school and begging your best friend to talk to his best friend to see if he thinks you are cute. Only that was children playing around. We are adults. This isn't about some dance or getting to hold hands with someone on the school bus. This is about my life and where it is or is not going. I hate this. I hate that he hasn't been here. I hate that I haven't seen him. I hate what this has reduced me to. I hate that I let him do this to me again. Mostly, I hate that I still want him to come back.

. . .

He finally shows his face, and it is in an official capacity. Look at him - he doesn't even want to talk to me. He is only here because he has to be. So, if the horses hadn't gotten stolen, he just would have ignored me indefinitely. Is that what is going on here? I'm supposed to believe all these things that you are saying to me? I'm supposed to let you pull me in with all the pretty words one more time. That is all it ever is with you. It is always words. It is never action. It's always someday or I'm confused or it's more complicated than you can understand. I understand. I understand that you expect me to wait around for you because you tell me that it will be worth it someday. I have heard it too many times before. You have given me endless variations on the same theme, but you never back it up. I have thought you were going to a hundred different times, but it never really happens. What am I supposed to do with that?

**Mimi**

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I am actually being very kind by offering him this opportunity to make good on his debts to the government. I am not begging for a place to stay. I am committing a charitable act. Yes, that is exactly what this is. I just have to get him to see that. It should be easy enough. I am a very persuasive person. If I can just keep myself from throttling him every time he uses that annoying nickname, then this should prove to be a mutually beneficial business relationship.

. . .

I thought I worked with some ruthless people. They have got nothing on this woman. What does she think she is doing? Are there not laws about gauging in emergency situations? I was almost positive that there was. This is just ludicrous. When this is all over, that woman is so going to be getting an audit.

. . .

Clearly, my assessment of this man's business acumen was accurate. I have stood quietly by and watched while he pursued all his avenues of "friends help each other out" today. He got nothing. It is time for someone who knows how to get things done to handle this situation. It's a basic question of balancing risk with potential gain. He needs pesticides. He can't get them by fair means in the market. It's time to move on to the perhaps not fair but necessary means. This situation calls for everyone looking after their own best interests.

. . .

I should not miss it. It is broken after all. It will never tell time again. It should not be a big deal to give it up. So what if it was a really nice watch, and I worked really hard to get it. It is just a nonfunctional piece of junk now. This is more important. It is. Just take it off. Hand it to the obnoxious little street punk who doesn't really have any idea what it is actually worth. Don't think about the shopping day with Mom when you picked it out. Just hand it over and walk away. Keep walking. Good girl.

. . .

They are all out here helping, and they aren't planning on getting anything out of it. What alternate universe have I stumbled upon? People don't actually do things like this, do they? He couldn't possibly be serious, could he? He might actually be. Oh, my goodness. I'm going to be picking corn. That was most definitely not on my list of things to experience before I die.

**Gail**

They are in trouble. Anyone with eyes can see that. He hasn't voluntarily exchanged half a dozen words with her in the past two weeks. I know that everything has been stressful lately, but this looks like it has been going on for some time. Why didn't I see that? I should have noticed something. They have both been here right in front of me this whole time, and I never realized that they were drifting away from each other. How did I miss that? Was I spending too much time worrying over Jake? Was I ignoring my other child because his problems weren't as obvious? I can't change that, but I can do something about it now. He is going to try to shut me out. He was always better at that than Jake was. He's not new here - he should know that I am not going to give up that easily.

I will just have to start with April. Hard to reach? That is probably an accurate assessment. None of them are very big on letting other people behind their walls. They like to think they have to carry the whole world on their shoulders. It takes work to get past that. I should know. I have done it with Johnston. Just being married for years doesn't make that level of trust and dependence happen. It takes work and patience and being willing to hang in there long enough for him to know that you really believe in what the two of you are building together. All three of them share that part of their character. Johnston and I didn't get here easily. You and Eric aren't going to get there easily either. You are strong enough to fight for it, honey. You just have to have the perseverance and look past the obstacles he is going to put up in your way. He will open up eventually. I didn't raise my boys to be quitters. If he remembers that and you keep trying, then the two of you can fix this.

. . .

I know he hates this. It was always easier to take care of the boys when they were sick at the same time than it was trying to deal with their sick father. He is an atrocious patient - the kind we used to argue over whose turn it was to check on in the hospital. You know you are not going to win this argument, but I know your pride won't let you not have it. You can rant and rave all you want, but we both know that you will not be leaving this house. Why are they all so short sighted? There he is thinking that it is just awful that he isn't in the office handling the crisis of the moment. I know that if he doesn't take care of himself now there won't be any more handling of things ever. Eric is jumping from moment to moment only seeing that he needs to step in for his father and keep the town going right now. I see that he is shutting out his wife in the process and teetering on the edge of losing something more important than keeping up the citation writing paperwork.

Then, there is Jake. All he sees is what he has been doing. All he sees is who he thinks he is right now. He doesn't see who he is becoming. He doesn't see who I know he can be in a year, five years, or twenty years from now. I guess that is why God didn't create us to live our lives alone. We need other people to help us with our perspectives. I am here to keep Johnston on track. April can learn to work with Eric. Who does Jake have? He knows what I think. He has always known, and I think he has appreciated knowing. But I think he is going past the point where I can be his rock. He needs someone to help him see farther ahead than the next moment. He needs someone to help him see that there is a future beyond the next moment. It needs to be someone who he knows is there because she wants to be - not someone he can write off as having to think the best of him because she is his mother.

. . .

He is slipping. I don't know what all has gone on that has brought him to this point but he is barely clinging to the edge today. I haven't seen him this close to giving in to his demons in years. I'm scared for him. I'm scared that he isn't going to be able to see that there is a future on his own. I'm scared that he is never going to let anyone in to help him see it. I'm scared that if he doesn't he is going to fall back into a pit that he won't be able to climb out of this time. I'm scared for Eric. I'm scared that someday all that pressure that he puts on himself to be the "good child" is going to make him crack. I'm scared that he is going to push April farther away than she is willing to fight back from being. I'm scared that when he finally sorts himself out enough to put his priorities in order that it will be too late for him to get back the things that matter most. I'm scared for Johnston. I'm scared that he is getting worse instead of getting better. I'm scared that April is more worried than she is telling me. I'm scared that we are now living in a world where something as simple as the flu can become so serious so fast. I think I have spent enough time over the past few days being scared.

It is time to find something that I can fix. Dale needs someone to step in with him. He may think that everything that has happened has made him an adult, but he is still a kid. He should be allowed to be one. He needs to know that someone is looking out for him. He needs to know that someone cares. He needs to know that someone is going to step in and knock him back on the right path when he starts to slide off of it. Gracie is apparently a little too wrapped up in her own concerns to be paying attention to what he is getting himself into at present. I can help there. Sean needs something. I don't know what is going on with that boy or his family, but he is getting out of control. Someone needs to squash that before it gets out of hand. We do not need any Mitchell Cafferties in the making. He needs a chance to see a different path to take, and he is not going to get that sitting in that jail cell. I can help with that. There is also Stanley. I think everything has piled up on him all at once. He is confused and worried and scared of being worried. He needs to be reminded that he isn't on his own here either. I can make that happen - in fact, I can probably make all three of those things happen at the same time. It will be a start anyway. Simple plans generally work the best.

**Jake**

Where did that come from? That is not the Dale Turner I remember. He can't just take matters into his own hands like that. He is going to get himself in trouble trying. Fine, if the proper authorities can't handle it, then I will handle it. Doesn't he have enough sense to know when he needs help? I don't know what that little interplay with that Henthorn kid was, but it can't have been good. I know his kind. He is trouble waiting to happen. Scratch that, he is the type that is not going to wait for it. He is going to go looking. I should know. I've been there. If Dale is getting mixed up with him, there is no where for him to go but down. Somebody needs to talk to him. I can't do it. Talk about the proverbial pot and kettle.

. . .

Does she think she is being subtle, because she's not. I should just leave because this is too weird. I don't know exactly what is going on here, but I have seen enough to know that somebody - probably a couple of somebodies - are going to get hurt before it is all over. I do not want to be having this conversation. Why don't you just talk to Eric and leave me out of it? I do not want to be in the middle of whatever this is. Just stop trying to pump me for information. Mitchell. I could have gone through the rest of my life quite happily without ever having to deal with him again. Don't start with me. I am not in the mood today. I just need to walk away. That's what Mom would tell me to do. I don't need to reopen old problems; we have enough new ones. There he pops up again - Hawkins. He is really just a little to everywhere at just the right moment. I don't care how many times you swoop in with the right answer or a solution to the problem at hand. I still don't trust you.

. . .

I was right there, and she still got hurt. She probably got hurt because I was right there. She could have been killed. It was no coincidence that I had a run-in with Mitchell this morning and our ranch got hit this afternoon. It had to be him. He did it to get to me. Well, he got to me all right. This is what he wanted, wasn't it? To piss me off so I would come after him? Then, we can have some little show down on his terms? Fine. We'll play it his way. This is what happens when I try to take the high road. This is what happens when I try to act like I'm one of the good guys. Other people get hurt. A good guy isn't going to take care of this problem the way it needs to be taken care of. I will. When was the last time I punched a wall? I hate this. He hurt her because of me. Can't you understand that? I can't just let that go. I caused the problem; I fix the problem. That's the way this works.

. . .

I still don't trust you, but I do think you know what you are doing. Getting Mitchell is more important right now than the fact that I still haven't figured out what you are up to, so I'm going to ask for help. We can stand around and play going through the proper channels all day. That isn't going to stop people like Mitchell. They don't care. You can't reason with someone who doesn't care. It doesn't work. If he gets by with this, he's going to come back. He will keep coming back until there is nothing left to take. That's how his kind operates. He will keep pushing until someone pushes back harder. We have to stop this now while we still can. I have to stop this.

. . .

Don't think you are getting away that easily. Did you really think that Eric would come out here looking for you by himself? Idiot. Scumbag. That's for blaming me for Chris like you don't have any share in that responsibility. That's for stealing from my family. That's for endangering my mother. That's for dragging her into your stupid head games with me. That's for trying to pull Dale and any of those other kids into your messed up little world. That's for hiding supplies from the town. That's for preying on people who can't fight back.

. . .

Eric shouldn't have pulled me off of him. He should have let me finish it. Look at her. She's terrified, and it's because of me. It's because of what I'm saying. I just couldn't hold it together today. I tried. I was just so angry. I couldn't keep myself under control. I wanted to hurt him. I really tried to be a better person. Maybe I just can't be. Maybe I'm just not capable. Emily was right. I'm not safe. I'm never going to be better. I'm never going to escape from this. It's all always going to be there lurking in the background waiting to pull me back under.

**April**

Why does it have to be so hard? Gail would probably tell me that anything worth having always is. That makes the question one of whether I think we are worth the effort. I don't think - I know we are. She's right. I have to be willing to fight. I am, but what if he's not? There are two of us in this marriage, and we have to work together. Why doesn't he see that I am trying? I am so tired of feeling helpless. I am so tired of feeling like I am banging my head against a brick wall. I can only do so much here. I am trying so hard. Don't you want us back as badly as I do? Why can't I figure you out anymore? I used to be able to look at you and know exactly what you were thinking. When did we lose that? How did we lose that? Don't you want it to come back? Can't you remember how happy we used to be? You won't even look at me. How am I supposed to fight for us when you are always trying to run away? Give me something here Eric, please? We have got to find some place to start. If you aren't even willing to try, what am I going to do? I don't want to give up on us. I need us. You used to need us. Do you remember that? Maybe you do. The walk home is a starting point. We can go from there. We can build on that. It may not be a lot, but it is a crack in the brick wall. If you will just let me in, then we can make this work.

**Allison**

I cannot believe I was actually believing that he really wanted to be with us again. I was really starting to think that he cared about us and that he wanted us to be a real family. I was starting to trust him. I guess this is what I get for being stupid. I knew better. I remembered what he was like, and I still decided to let him have another chance. Look at this place. He knew the bombs were going to happen. He knew all those people were going to die. He knew it. Don't try to con me again. I'm not going to fall for it a second time. Tell me the truth. I'll know if you're not. Don't try to play nice with me. Don't act all concerned fatherish. You knew. All those cities are gone. All those people are dead, and you knew it was coming. Why did you even come to get us? So we could pretend to be a happy family, and you could blend in with all the normal people. So you could look like everyone else who didn't know that half the country was going to be obliterated? You told me if I messed up again, I would find out what it was like to be really scared. Well, I'm really scared now. I'm scared of you.

. . .

We have never done anything together before. You have never taught me how to do anything. It was always Mom. This is what you decide it's important for you to pass on to me? Shooting things? Other kids spend time with their parents learning how to ride a bike or playing soccer. You want me to bond with you over firing a gun. In case I need to protect myself, you say. Like it is supposed to make me feel better to be told that I live in a world where I might need to shoot somebody? Oh, I'll learn. I'll have to. We can't depend on you. Somebody needs to be able to take care of us - and by us I mean Mom, Sam, and me.

**Mitchell**

Jakey Green is back in town. That is a good piece of information to have. I'm sure I know some people who will want to hear that little tidbit of gossip. You learn the most useful things in bars. I knew he didn't get caught in the blast. Not our Jakey. He always knows exactly when it is time to run away. Look who is playing like he is above me - like he is too good to step up and take a swing at me. We both know better than that. I don't care what part you are playing; I know what is in that head of yours. There will be another time, and there won't be anyone around to save your sorry self. I know how to bide my time Jakey boy. It's a life skill you learn in prison. Someday it is going to be just you and me. I can hardly wait.

. . .

I knew you would come running - family honor and all that. You are so predictable. If it were up to me, I would beat you to a bloody pulp. I might even get a little carried away. It wouldn't be my fault if you just weren't tough enough to take it. It's too bad that Jonah doesn't want us attracting unnecessary attention. He is still the boss - for the moment. Besides, these kids would probably flip out. We can't have that now, can we? I might need them for something later. You and I will just have to have another time for settling up. I am still waiting for the day when it is just the two of us. There's the mouth I remember. I knew our Jakey was in there somewhere. I knew he would come out to play eventually. We just had to find the right game to tempt him.

. . .

This isn't over. You and I both know that it doesn't end like this. You and I both know that I will be out of here quicker than you can hot wire a car. You will still be in town; you can't go anywhere. You can't run away this time. You are stuck right here with the rest of us. I will find you, and we will finish this. We will really finish this. Well, that is if he doesn't finish you first. I wouldn't mind - not as long as I get to watch. Oh, Jakey boy, you are in for some fun times. Like I said, I can hardly wait.

**Back to Stanley**

I'm desperate, okay. I have to do something. I can't just let it all go. Why am I even trying to talk to her? She has nothing to do with this. This isn't her home. This isn't her family. This isn't her future. She is just the evil IRS agent. She is the reason that my farm got searched for stolen property today. I should have turned her in to the police. That is exactly what I should have done. Being a nice guy has gotten me nowhere. I should just stop.

. . .

They came. They all came. All of them from the Greens down to Gracie Leigh are all here to help me. Just to help. Not to get anything out of it. They are the people that I thought they were. They just forgot it for a little while. We are going to be okay. We can work this out. The world isn't over - my world isn't over. We aren't all on our own. These are still the people that I grew up with, and they are still people that I can depend on when I need them. We can make it through this. We just have to do it together. My friends are still my friends. The Greens are still the Greens. And Uncle Sam is wearing work boots and picking corn - that's just icing on the day.


	7. Long Live

**Heather**

I have got to stop thinking like this. I have got to stop thinking about him. I have things that I need to get done. We need all these decorations set up so the kids can have a semi-normal Halloween. This story is so not helping. That is so cute. I can't believe I am standing here awing over escapades from his childhood. What is wrong with me? I never act like this. Just listen to me - I sound like a teenager with a crush on someone she is too nervous to talk to herself. This is just weird. If it is weird for me, it has got to be weird for Emily. I mean she used to date him. I don't want to freak her out. Are there rules about this sort of thing? Is it even okay to have this conversation? Is she okay with it? Should I just stop talking? Okay, now I am straight out babbling. Am I really that obvious? I must be. What am I even saying? I really should just stop talking now. Wait, what? Of course there is a lot I don't know about him, which would be why I am asking questions. Wow, whoever that was really rattled her. She is absolutely ashen. She hasn't looked this shaken since before she found out Roger's plane landed. Something is really wrong with her. We need to get somewhere that is not public, and I'll see if I can get her to talk to me.

**Weasely Guy at Jonah's Compound - I Think His Name Is Pete**

I don't want to talk to Jonah. I really don't want to talk to Jonah. He's gonna be so mad. He's scary when he's mad. He's kinda scary all the time, but he's even scarier when he's mad. Stupid Mitchell. This is all his fault. I don't know why I listened to him in the first place. He's always doing stupid stuff. I knew this whole thing was a bad idea. I should have told him no, but he's almost as scary as Jonah is. Right now, Jonah is scarier though. He's gonna be ticked. I wish I had somewhere else to go, but I don't. I've tried. There's no place else to go. I don't think I can stall anymore. He's gonna be more ticked at me if he hears it from somewhere else first. Yeah, well, that didn't go over too badly. It's too bad there's still more to tell. She didn't get hurt that bad. Not really. I don't think. It was an accident. How were we supposed to know that someone would be there? Nobody lives there. It sounded like an easy enough job when Mitchell was talking about it. Oh, that look is not good. It's really not a good look that he has right now. There's got to be something I can say to get me out of this. Mitchell. It was definitely Mitchell's idea. Oh, maybe he's not that mad. Maybe it's okay. Maybe not.

**Skylar**

They are going to come home. They aren't dead. The bombs didn't get them. They didn't leave me alone. They are going to come back to me. What was I thinking trading away Mom's jewelry box for a case of soda? I gave up something she cherished so that I could have a caffeine fix! I was just so mad. She used to talk about how her grandmother gave her that all the time. She used to promise that someday she would give it to me - someday when I had learned to "appreciate" what it meant. She always used to say that I could have it when she knew I would be responsible with it. She promised that they would be home before I knew it too. I didn't think she was going to keep that promise. But, they are going to come home, and what am I going to tell her? I'm sorry Mom. I was mad at you so I decided to be a petty, spoiled brat and get back at you the only way I knew how - even though you would never know that I had done it. You were right. I was irresponsible, and I didn't appreciate things. I was acting like a spoiled brat the last time you saw me, and I acted like one the whole time you were gone? I have to get it back.

. . .

He stole it for me. He fought with Mrs. Leigh for me. He doesn't have anywhere to go because of me - all because I was being selfish and irresponsible. He fixed this for me. I can fix this for him. I can be unselfish. I can learn to be responsible. I can be better. I will be better.

**Gail**

We always smile and say that we have been married for a lot of years. We both make comments where we use the word long to describe the amount of time we have spent together. Long is not enough. I thought I lost him earlier today. I thought he was leaving me behind. I have always thought that it was painful watching Jake walk away. I thought it was hard having to watch each time he disappeared into the distance. That is nothing like this. All those times I always knew that him coming back to us was an option. All those times I had my husband with me to hold me close. I always had faith that everything would come round right. Now it is Johnston that is slipping away from me. If he goes in this illness, there is no hope of him coming back. There will be no husband to hold me close. I don't even know if I will have faith in the world going on because every thought of my life without him is covered over by shadows. I can't see anything past him leaving me. Everything was a moment of desperation to do anything I could to keep him from leaving me behind. Everything past that point was a suffocating abyss of darkness. Then, he was with me again. He was breathing. He was here, and I could breathe again with him. She says it isn't going to last. Hours. She says he has hours.

When we planned on growing old together, we never talked about measuring the time in hours. People have always told me that I am his rock. I keep him steady. I keep him where he needs to be, but I can't keep him here. This is where I need him to be. The truth is that I need him every bit as much as he has ever needed me. Our marriage would not have survived for as long as it has if that wasn't the case. There is that word again - long. It has not been long enough. It has not been nearly long enough. The day will come again when this town will need you to be its hero, and you have to be here for that. The day will come when Jake is ready to tell you the rest of his story, and you have to be here for that. The day will come when Eric is ready to listen to your advice on his marriage, and you have to be here for that. The day will come when our boys need your support as they become fathers themselves, and you have to be here for that. The day will never come when I am ready to face this life without you; you have to be here for me. I know you hate waiting, but I need you to not give up while we are. The boys are going to come back with what you need. They will. They have too much of you in them to not.

**Emily**

I didn't mind Heather asking questions about Jake. I really didn't. I mean the two of us are ancient history, and I have a future. I am going to have a wonderful future with Roger. I'm glad that Jake seems to have done some growing up, but that doesn't mean that he isn't still Jake. He'll always be Jake. Look at how quickly he was the one who was dealing with Jonah. Some things never change. That's the only reason that I said what I did to her. I mean she is my best friend. It was only fair to give her some warning. She was in full fledged schoolgirl crush mode. She needed a little bit of a reality check - just a little reminder that she doesn't know what she is getting herself into. She should be careful. I don't want her to get hurt, and that is a strong possibility considering whom we are dealing with here. She needs to be aware. Bad things tend to happen in his vicinity. That's just a fact. I just hope that one of those bad things isn't he and Eric getting back too late.

Jake was right. Jonah doesn't give gifts, and I'm the one who is going to pay for this one. I never thought I would ever be in a position where I would have to let that man back into my life. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about having to be nice to him. It will be worth it though. I had to do something. I almost watched Mayor Green die. Even playing "we're a happy family" with Jonah is easier than that. I can play that game for as long as it is necessary, but it won't change anything. He's not forgiven. I don't care what he wants; I only care that he gets us what we need.

**Darcy**

He looked at me like I was special. He looked at me as though looking at me was something worth doing. I hadn't had that in such a long time. I was starting to think that I was ready. I was thinking that I was ready to trust someone again. I was thinking that I was ready to let someone into my life. I was thinking that I was ready to stop being cynical. He was kind. He was attentive. He cared what I thought. He would have been good to the kids. He would have treated them well. He could have, eventually, been someone on whom they could have depended. I didn't come to that conclusion lightly. I don't come to any decision that involves my children lightly, but Doug was different. He could have been what was missing from their lives. He could have been what was missing from mine. The four of us had the potential to make a life together. It could have worked. We could have been happy. Could have been. We won't be. He's gone, and I'm here. I'm here with someone who doesn't care what I think, who has never cared what I think, who shuts me out of his life, and who has lied to me more times than I can count. Why did he bring me here?

**Jake**

If we were talking about Mitchell Cafferty, I would be on Gray Anderson's side. How disturbing is that thought? Although, he would probably be a lot more concerned by the implications of that fact than I am. I get what he is saying. I know the kind of chaos he is describing. I've seen it. I've lived it. That's not what we are dealing with here - at least not yet. We aren't talking about Mitchell. We are talking about Jonah. I can deal with Jonah. He's not like Mitchell. Despite what anyone may think, there are things in this world that Jonah actually cares about. That makes it possible to reason with him. He agreed to this deal, and he will keep the terms. He's the only one that has a chance of keeping all the ones like Mitchell in line. We're going to need that. If things are really as bad as Gray says, we're going to need him for other things as well. If we back out on him, if we give him a reason to think that we can't be trusted, then fixing that will not come easily. He's always considered deal breakers fair game for whatever form of payback he decides they have coming. That's how he operates. They aren't going to listen to me. I need Dad. He's the only one that has a chance of changing the course of this conversation, and he's incapacitated. Gray is on some sort of post trauma reactionary kick. Bill is looking at him with an expression that is barely short of worshipful. Jimmy isn't going to try to take charge of anything. And Eric, Eric just hung me out to dry. Thanks a lot. I notice that none of them are volunteering to be the one to go tell Jonah that they decided they aren't keeping this bargain.

. . .

Great. I've got to go try to clean up a mess that for once is not my fault with Jonah. Mitchell is going to be just arrogant enough to think that this whole fiasco gives him free rein on messing with the town. My Dad's authority is being undermined while he's confined to a sickbed. My brother, who I always knew had things so much more together than I did, turns out to be a wussy, follow whatever leader happens to be around at the moment cheater. I'm stuck driving a piece of junk that is probably going to turn into a giant, hulking paperweight at any moment because Jonah Prowse is driving around in my car. And, now Heather is getting personal information on me from Emily. So why are you even still standing here talking to me? I can't deal with this right now. I have to focus on Jonah. I need a plan. Deep down - he's a businessman. He might be ticked off that the town backed out of the deal. He may dislike me more than he could put into words. If we make this business, there is a chance that he will let go of all of that. He can be negotiated with. I just have to make him an offer that makes his business side drown out the rest.

. . .

I should have seen this coming. He has things he cares about. She's one of them. He even loves her. The problem is that his version of loving her is all self-centered. Does it make him more reasonable than he would otherwise be? Yes. Does it mean that there are times when he will end up doing the right thing because of her? Yes. But those are just coincidental benefits. He isn't doing any of it for her. He's doing it because he wants to have her around. He can tell himself all he wants that he's being a concerned parent or trying to look out for her or any of those other dozens of ways he used to reconcile his relationship with Chris, but it doesn't change the fact that at the end of the day it is still about him. It's about him wanting her to justify him. It's about him wanting her to tell him everything is fine. It's about him wanting her to make his life mean something better than what he knows he's made it be. That kind of love is barely any different from simply using people. I'm not gonna ask her to go back to that.

. . .

I do not have time to argue about the truck. I just watched my father almost die on his bedroom floor. I just watched my mother look like she was absolutely destroyed - that is the scariest thing I have ever seen in my life, and I have seen plenty of scary things. He is going to be dead within the day if we don't get moving. The truck will just work. It has to. Normally the babbling is kind of cute, but you are not helping any. Are you done talking yet? Why is she looking at me like that? Is she going to . . .

. .

He doesn't give gifts. I know it, and she knows it. He's going to want to be paid back, and she shouldn't have to be the one doing the paying. I shouldn't have let her get drug back in. She was out. She should have stayed out. We'll add it to the list of things I'll have to fix when I get back.

**Heather Again**

This just isn't safe. It isn't fast enough. If he pushes her too hard, she literally may explode. I will be responsible for killing him. He is taking Eric with him, so I will be responsible for killing Eric. There will be no medicine for Mayor Green, and I will be responsible for killing him as well. I will have single handedly made Gail Green a childless widow.

Just let me work on the truck. Better yet, take something else. There has got to be another option. I know he is going to push her too hard. He's careless like that - not with other people, but with himself. He acts like he doesn't get that people care about what happens to him. It's like he doesn't understand what it would do to everyone around him if he let something happen to himself. Doesn't he see what that would do to his mom? His father? His brother? To me? If I am so blatantly obvious that Emily knows what is going through my head, doesn't he? What if he doesn't know? I've never told him. What if he doesn't come back? What if he doesn't really listen to what I'm saying and the truck explodes? What if things are as bad between here and Rogue River as they were on Mr. Anderson's way back here? What if he goes into careless mode and does something stupid and gets himself killed? He can't do that. He's got to understand that he has to come back. He's got to understand that people care about him. I need him to understand that I care about him. There's got to be some way to get that idea to stick in his head.

**Jonah**

I just wanted to see my kid. Is that so much to ask for? I think it is perfectly reasonable to want to know that my little girl is taken care of. Isn't that what responsible parents are supposed to do? I've heard that I'm irresponsible enough over the years. I would think everyone would be pleased to see me stepping up to the plate. I stayed away for a long time because it was what she wanted, but the world is different now. A lot of things could go wrong, and I'm just going to have to keep closer tabs on things - especially with Jake Green back in town. I know how the two of them are. She can sit and pout and complain about spending time with me all she wants, but she's still going to be here. I shouldn't have backed off before. I should have insisted she talk things through with me back then. I could have made her understand, but I thought I would give her time to calm down. Her mother was always easier to deal with after I gave her a chance to calm down. I guess I just let time slip away from me. That's okay. We're going to fix that now. I could almost be happy with Mitchell for giving me an excuse to make a trip into town. I said almost. If that idiot wants to stay working for me, he's going to have to learn to follow orders a lot better. When I say that certain things are off limits, I'm not talking for my health.

**Mimi**

We have spent the entirety of the past week trading smart aleck comments and thinly veiled insults. It was working for us. We had a balance. We understood each other, and we both seemed content with our mutual tolerance for the other's presence in our individual universes. It was a perfectly conducted relationship of convenience with an appropriate level of emotional disattachment from the situation at hand. It was perfect, and now it is just ruined. My whole life is ruined. There will be no going home because there is no home to which I can go. There will be no government agencies coming to my rescue because they are gone as well.

My world is gone. My family is gone. My friends are gone. My poor, loyal fish are gone. Everything that had anything to do with who I was is gone. How do you pick up the pieces and move on with your life when there aren't even any pieces left to be picked up? I even had a breakdown in front of another person. Why did he have to try to be so nice to me? I can deal with gruffness. I can deal with apathy. I can even deal with animosity. I can't deal with genuine concern. There is no reason for him to care, but he does. Somehow that just makes it all that much worse because how do I ever pay that back? Look at him sitting across from me at the table. What do I say? Do I apologize for making him witness my emotional overload earlier? Do I pretend that it never happened and try to return to our casual bantering? Do I thank him for trying to be helpful? Do I beg for him to let me stay here because I have no where else to go? I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I've got nothing. I guess that leaves me with sitting.

**Gray**

These people have got to get a grasp on what it is like out there. They have no idea. I had no idea. I was so sure that the state government would be some level of functional. It never occurred to me that they could have been so completely unprepared for this. They aren't even dealing with things now. Not really. They are making feeble attempts at little measures, but it isn't anything that is even remotely approaching what is needed. Half of the people in charge there look like they are still sitting around shell shocked and not believing what happened. People in leadership positions have no business being shocked. They don't have time to be. Something horrible happened. You deal with it. If you don't, more horrible things will happen and be added to the list. Why don't they seem to understand that? It only makes sense. It is the natural progression of the situation. Things will continue to deteriorate until someone steps in and starts repairing things. The state is not in any position to do that presently. We are literally going to be on our own here until something shifts. It will be up to us to prevent the situation in our own backyard from deteriorating. It is already slipping. Look at this place. They are already planning deals with the dregs of outer Jericho society.

What are they thinking? You can't start giving ground. It never stops once that gets started. And they want to go around making deals with the likes of Jonah Prowse? He has been a small time pain in everybody's backside around here for years, but that isn't going to hold in the current environment. He is a taker. When he sees that there is an opening, he is going to start taking. And they just want to roll over and let him? What do they think is going to happen? He's going to appreciate the gesture of good faith and decide to commune with us in peace and harmony? Let's take a moment and remember the reality of what we are dealing with here. All those groups scattered around the countryside harassing and killing and doing who knows what out on the roads used to be small time operators too. They used to be straddling the fence between barely legal and blatantly not. That is what Prowse is going to become if we give him room to do it. We are going to have enough problems getting this town through this crisis without adding that to the equation. Someone has got to be the voice of reason here. This has got to be stopped now.

**Stanley**

I didn't know what to do. I'm not good at this - the whole comforting the upset potentially somewhat unstable woman thing. It kind of freaks me out. I mean what are you supposed to do? I've tried everything I can think of here. She was being really stoic at first and I figured that just meant she was trying to hold everything in. I get that. I've been there. You don't want anyone to see you break down. You try to pretend that nothing has really gotten to you. It sort of eats away at you though. So, I figured that wasn't the best way for her to be dealing with this whole rearrangement of her existence. It's good to know that there are people around who care. It helps. She doesn't have anybody. Somebody had to do something. I tried. I made her soup. Isn't comfort food supposed to be important?

Then, she was burying herself in work, and I get that too. I tried that one. But it doesn't really work either because you're just blocking out whatever this big, traumatic thing is that has happened to you and it comes back later to hit you harder than before. I was just trying to help. I was just trying to be nice. Aren't women supposed to like all that talking about how we feel about things stuff? And suddenly she's yelling and screaming and crying, and I just stood there. What was I gonna do? It's not like I could hug her. She probably would have bitten me. Now she's settling herself into the chair across the table from me, and I still don't know what to do. Is she going to yell at me? Is she going to start crying again? She does look calmer. Maybe that whole hysterical, nervous breakdown thing she had going helped? Well, that seemed to go over okay. Maybe we just shouldn't talk.

**Dale**

She lied. She looked her right in the eyes and lied to her. Why? So she can pile up more stuff nobody wants in the storeroom? Because she just doesn't like her? What is her problem with Skylar anyway? I know she can be a pain, but she's never done anything to Mrs. Leigh. If it was anyone else, she would have come up with some way for them to trade back for it. This is something different. Why? She didn't even try to hide it. She left it out in the middle of the storeroom. She had to know that I would see it. Does that mean that she thinks that I'm okay with her lying? Does that mean she thought that I wouldn't care? She doesn't have any room to complain about me taking that jewelry box. We'll consider it my last pay check.

I can't believe she tried to make me feel guilty. If anyone should feel guilty, it should be her. I'm the one who has been keeping the store going. I'm the one who has been doing all the work. I'm the one who had to deal with psychopath Mitchell Cafferty just to keep her in business. I'm the one who almost went to jail for keeping her in supplies. Did she conveniently forget all that? Or did she just not notice? Does she really think that a camping cot in the back of the store makes her worthy of being considered some sort of charitable foundation? It doesn't matter anymore. She can try running things herself and see how that works out for her.

**Back to Heather**

Irradiated ants? I told him to watch out for irradiated ants? He must think I'm a complete idiot. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking. I wasn't being rational. I completely and totally took leave of my senses. I don't do throwing caution to the wind. I'm a planner. I think things through. I consider consequences. I'm predictable. I don't do things like what I just did. That was so unfair of me. He had to have had so many other things on his mind. I should have respected that. I shouldn't have put him in that position. It was just selfish of me. I should have just said the words "be careful." See I can say them now. My mouth is fully capable of forming those two little words now, so why couldn't it do it then?

It was a really nice kiss. Stop! Dwelling on that is not helping your current mental situation - even though it was a really, really nice kiss. I said stop! Pull yourself together. We were getting along so well. I should have just let him take his time. This might make things awkward. I know I feel awkward. I'll just apologize for pushing him. We haven't known each other for very long, and we should take things slower. The whole end of the world as we know it thing got to me for a minute there. He'll understand that, right? He won't be completely weirded out, right? I mean he did kiss me back. That's got to mean something. When he comes back, then we can talk about it - when, not if. They'll be fine. They'll find what Mayor Green needs, and they'll be back safe and sound. Mrs. Green must be worried sick. It's got to make her feel helpless having to sit and wait. I should do something to help her out.


End file.
